As most of you probably don't know, I have been holed up in this house for seven days. (Tomorrow will make eight.) Add on to that the three days that I was in the hospital. That makes eleven days total, where I've been unallowed to breathe fresh air, unallowed to function independantly, basically unallowed to live. It has sucked MASSIVELY. This, of course, is not by my own choosing. It was a condition of my discharge from the hospital, that I refrain from leaving the house. Of course, after being in the hospital for three days, I'd have agreed to anything. Now I'm realizing what I signed up for. Holy monkey balls. This is really awful.
This past month has to be some sick form of karmic debt. I'm convinced. Heartbreak, a bought of Seasonal Affective Disorder, and this broken ankle. I'll allow that most of it is my own fault, with the exception of the S.A.D. but either way you look at it, the shit needs to stop. I'm going to MAKE it stop. I'm going to be an active participant in my own life. Fate is bullshit, and letting the chips fall where they may has gotten me nowhere. So here is where I take a stand, grab life by the balls, and make it my bitch. Without realizing it, I've let myself become what I hate: that person who just sits by and lets life shit all over them. Well, I'm not doing it anymore. Change is in the horizon.
And by 'in the horizon', I mean so close that I can taste it.
So, with that, I bid you adieu. Hopefully, next time I write here, I'll be a little closer to that happiness I so rabidly crave.
~ELL VEE!
10/24/09
10/21/09
Just when you think things can't get any worse...
They do.
Oh... They do.
Soo... I broke my leg. Well, not leg. Ankle. I broke my ankle. In my dance class. At nassau. Yes, the required phys. ed credit that I was only taking because it's REQUIRED of me to graduate. THAT is where I broke my ankle. In dance class at Nassau. Sorry for the repetition, but I need to make sure you understand just how fucking STUPID this all is. This could have been avoided if I wasn't REQUIRED to take a gym credit for graduation. I wouldnt be holed up in my room for the past week, if Nassau Community College wasn't the only college that FORCES you to take a fucking physical education credit. So right now, I'm hating on Nassau. Hating on NCC, hard.
I could go into why shit sucks so much, but honestly, I don't have the energy.
I just hate this SO much.
Oh... They do.
Soo... I broke my leg. Well, not leg. Ankle. I broke my ankle. In my dance class. At nassau. Yes, the required phys. ed credit that I was only taking because it's REQUIRED of me to graduate. THAT is where I broke my ankle. In dance class at Nassau. Sorry for the repetition, but I need to make sure you understand just how fucking STUPID this all is. This could have been avoided if I wasn't REQUIRED to take a gym credit for graduation. I wouldnt be holed up in my room for the past week, if Nassau Community College wasn't the only college that FORCES you to take a fucking physical education credit. So right now, I'm hating on Nassau. Hating on NCC, hard.
I could go into why shit sucks so much, but honestly, I don't have the energy.
I just hate this SO much.
10/6/09
OH SHIT SON
Dear Life,
Fuck you. Hard.
I'm lonely and now I'm dying a slow, sore-throated death. Alone. What is the point of this? Are you trying to teach me some kind of lesson? Either way, you're a bitch and I'm gonna die like this.
Thanks for nothing.
Lauren
PS: I really hope I don't die.
Fuck you. Hard.
I'm lonely and now I'm dying a slow, sore-throated death. Alone. What is the point of this? Are you trying to teach me some kind of lesson? Either way, you're a bitch and I'm gonna die like this.
Thanks for nothing.
Lauren
PS: I really hope I don't die.
10/5/09
HOLY FUCK MAKE IT STOP
Dear Daylight Savings,
The shit has hit the fan, so I'm not sugarcoating anything here. I'm just gonna tell you flat out to BACK THE FUCK UP. And here's why.
This morning, I woke up and looked out my window, it was pitch black outside. 'Awesome!' I think to myself, and snuggle back into my pillows for some more sleep. Just then, the tell tale BEEP BEEP BEEP! of my alarm clock goes off, and my delusion of more sleep is ruined.
Stop teasing me with this idea of more sleep, unless you plan to deliver. If you don't, I'll be forced to find my way into the time/space continuum and kick your fucking ass.
Stop dicking around.
Thank you.
Sincerely,
Lauren
The shit has hit the fan, so I'm not sugarcoating anything here. I'm just gonna tell you flat out to BACK THE FUCK UP. And here's why.
This morning, I woke up and looked out my window, it was pitch black outside. 'Awesome!' I think to myself, and snuggle back into my pillows for some more sleep. Just then, the tell tale BEEP BEEP BEEP! of my alarm clock goes off, and my delusion of more sleep is ruined.
Stop teasing me with this idea of more sleep, unless you plan to deliver. If you don't, I'll be forced to find my way into the time/space continuum and kick your fucking ass.
Stop dicking around.
Thank you.
Sincerely,
Lauren
10/4/09
zeeb.
i got the baking supplies and the baking partner, and in an interesting twist of fate... the pet zebra. now, just gotta find a place to put the zeeeb.
...just kidding.
in other news, i'm still chewing this disgusting gum Mother gave me, and i've discovered that maybe it's the sad things that i've been thinking about that are causing me to be nauseous.
i'm on to something.
and another piece of gum.
apparently i like torturing my senses.
one day, they shall all leave me.
and i'll be senseless.
not much different than i am today, huh?
off to feed the zeeeeb.
~L!
...just kidding.
in other news, i'm still chewing this disgusting gum Mother gave me, and i've discovered that maybe it's the sad things that i've been thinking about that are causing me to be nauseous.
i'm on to something.
and another piece of gum.
apparently i like torturing my senses.
one day, they shall all leave me.
and i'll be senseless.
not much different than i am today, huh?
off to feed the zeeeeb.
~L!
10/3/09
want. want. want. want. want. want. want. want. want. want. want.
i want Ramune. you know, that stupid japanese Sprite wanna be. RAMUUUNE, come to meee!
i also want my room to become autonomous and self-cleaning. THAT would be something special.
i also would like a(n):
-rocketship
-new face. (imeanrly.)
-bodytoo?
-seasons 2,4 & 5 of Grey's Anatomy on DVD.
-season 2 of gossip girl
-baking supplies to miraculously and suspiciously arrive at my door.
-baking partner; to make sure i don't blow my house up or kill anyone.
-copious supply of monies.
-the 2010 Shelby Mustang 500 GT.
-personal movie theater, like the ones they have on cribs.
-swimming pool.
-pocket pikachu.
-pet zebra.
-private helicopter.
-mansion (to store all this crap).
-Ethan.
as the list went on it got more and more ridiculous.
i'm a crazy person, i know.
this gum mom gave me is making me nauseous. layered gum? pineapple and green apple? my two favorite fruit flavors are betraying me as we speak. i wanna puke.
au revoir.
~Laur
i also want my room to become autonomous and self-cleaning. THAT would be something special.
i also would like a(n):
-rocketship
-new face. (imeanrly.)
-bodytoo?
-seasons 2,4 & 5 of Grey's Anatomy on DVD.
-season 2 of gossip girl
-baking supplies to miraculously and suspiciously arrive at my door.
-baking partner; to make sure i don't blow my house up or kill anyone.
-copious supply of monies.
-the 2010 Shelby Mustang 500 GT.
-personal movie theater, like the ones they have on cribs.
-swimming pool.
-pocket pikachu.
-pet zebra.
-private helicopter.
-mansion (to store all this crap).
-Ethan.
as the list went on it got more and more ridiculous.
i'm a crazy person, i know.
this gum mom gave me is making me nauseous. layered gum? pineapple and green apple? my two favorite fruit flavors are betraying me as we speak. i wanna puke.
au revoir.
~Laur
9/28/09
4 days...
...and i won't have to compete for attention.
...and i won't have to wonder about stuff.
...and i won't feel so shitty all the time because i'll be reassured.
...and things will get better.
...or will they?
what i'm trying to say is, i'm insecure.
reassurance is always nice.
it's nice to know you're loved.
but being TOLD that you're loved is something else entirely.
it's the best.
okay, im done.
sorry for the 2 in a day.
i promise you, i'm not crazy.
~L!
...and i won't have to wonder about stuff.
...and i won't feel so shitty all the time because i'll be reassured.
...and things will get better.
...or will they?
what i'm trying to say is, i'm insecure.
reassurance is always nice.
it's nice to know you're loved.
but being TOLD that you're loved is something else entirely.
it's the best.
okay, im done.
sorry for the 2 in a day.
i promise you, i'm not crazy.
~L!
New Direction
i had an epiphany the other day. it was pretty big. make sure you're sitting, and holding onto something. but... I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE. hahaha. i know, right? you're either not surprised at all, or completely shitting yourself with shock. but yeah, i have no clue what i want to do. i'm going on 3 years of college with NO direction. wasting SO much money because i'm indecisive. i just don't want to pick something random and end up hating my life because of it... you know?
i like art, but i know i'm not good enough to make a career out of it.
i like kids, but i'm not patient enough to deal with kids in a classroom setting.
i like the idea of being a doctor, but not the idea of the amount of schooling, and the expense.
i like the idea of being a sign language interpreter, but the training required also requires having a job with flexible hours, which i don't have and probably won't ever have.
what i'm thinking now is JOURNALISM. writing.
obviously, being one of the few people my age who still keeps an effing blog, it's apparent that i LIKE writing. i keep a journal book that i constantly write in. i've always done well in english classes. and when i'm actually TRYING, i'm pretty damn good at writing. so idk, it's something to try out. i could write for a magazine. or a news paper. probably a magazine though... i'm not politically correct enough for a newspaper.... UNLESS I WAS A COLUMNIST. HAHA. That would be wild.
but yeah. idk. i never know. which is sad. but maybe all this trying stuff out will be worth something when i finally find that perfect profession. then i'll be happy. and hopefully making good money. DOUBLE HAPPY! and yeah. we'll see about this Journalism stuff.
i have to pee.
later.
~L.
----------------
Now playing: Harvey Danger - Flagpole Sitta
via FoxyTunes
i like art, but i know i'm not good enough to make a career out of it.
i like kids, but i'm not patient enough to deal with kids in a classroom setting.
i like the idea of being a doctor, but not the idea of the amount of schooling, and the expense.
i like the idea of being a sign language interpreter, but the training required also requires having a job with flexible hours, which i don't have and probably won't ever have.
what i'm thinking now is JOURNALISM. writing.
obviously, being one of the few people my age who still keeps an effing blog, it's apparent that i LIKE writing. i keep a journal book that i constantly write in. i've always done well in english classes. and when i'm actually TRYING, i'm pretty damn good at writing. so idk, it's something to try out. i could write for a magazine. or a news paper. probably a magazine though... i'm not politically correct enough for a newspaper.... UNLESS I WAS A COLUMNIST. HAHA. That would be wild.
but yeah. idk. i never know. which is sad. but maybe all this trying stuff out will be worth something when i finally find that perfect profession. then i'll be happy. and hopefully making good money. DOUBLE HAPPY! and yeah. we'll see about this Journalism stuff.
i have to pee.
later.
~L.
----------------
Now playing: Harvey Danger - Flagpole Sitta
via FoxyTunes
9/6/09
Visit To VMI
Finally got to see Anthony!!
On saturday we (myself, Kristen, and Michelle - Ant's mom) woke up at about 5 am, and were on the road to VMI by 6 am. We made really good time getting there by a little after 1. We got there in time to see the VMI vs. RMU football game, and were looking for Anthony the whole first half of the game. No luck. During half time we went to get drinks or something, and as we're coming down the stands I spotted Anthony and started freaking out a little. HE LOOKS SO GOOD. He hasn't changed MUCH physically, but you could see a difference in his attitude and in the way he holds himself. It made me proud to be his friend. After half time, he was allowed to sit with us. We got all the silly stories and the horror stories. After the game (VMI wins 14-13) we had to go with Michelle to sign Anthony out so he could have dinner with us. We had to walk up the stairs and up these HUGE hills and I thought I was going to DIE. I'm out of shape, obvs. But anyway. After we signed him out, we went to the hotel we were staying at and just chilled. Then we went to dinner with his friend Eric and his family, at this really nice Southern Comfort kinda restaurant. It was maaad good. After that, we just drove around Lexington and checked out the town. Soon after, we dropped him off at the barracks and went back to the hotel.
I passed out soooooo fast. I called mom, and then put my head down for a second and passed out. I had the nuttiest dream though. I was being screamed at by the Cadre at VMI while Anthony, Mikey (yeahright), and Dillon (LOL NO WAI) were standing against a wall straining, watching me get chewed out by the cadre dudes. It was so scary.
Anyway. I'm in the car on my way to New Market (the battle ground) to see the rats do some sort of run down a hill and then get their little arm bandy things, and march in the parade. Should be a good time.
On saturday we (myself, Kristen, and Michelle - Ant's mom) woke up at about 5 am, and were on the road to VMI by 6 am. We made really good time getting there by a little after 1. We got there in time to see the VMI vs. RMU football game, and were looking for Anthony the whole first half of the game. No luck. During half time we went to get drinks or something, and as we're coming down the stands I spotted Anthony and started freaking out a little. HE LOOKS SO GOOD. He hasn't changed MUCH physically, but you could see a difference in his attitude and in the way he holds himself. It made me proud to be his friend. After half time, he was allowed to sit with us. We got all the silly stories and the horror stories. After the game (VMI wins 14-13) we had to go with Michelle to sign Anthony out so he could have dinner with us. We had to walk up the stairs and up these HUGE hills and I thought I was going to DIE. I'm out of shape, obvs. But anyway. After we signed him out, we went to the hotel we were staying at and just chilled. Then we went to dinner with his friend Eric and his family, at this really nice Southern Comfort kinda restaurant. It was maaad good. After that, we just drove around Lexington and checked out the town. Soon after, we dropped him off at the barracks and went back to the hotel.
I passed out soooooo fast. I called mom, and then put my head down for a second and passed out. I had the nuttiest dream though. I was being screamed at by the Cadre at VMI while Anthony, Mikey (yeahright), and Dillon (LOL NO WAI) were standing against a wall straining, watching me get chewed out by the cadre dudes. It was so scary.
Anyway. I'm in the car on my way to New Market (the battle ground) to see the rats do some sort of run down a hill and then get their little arm bandy things, and march in the parade. Should be a good time.
9/2/09
Go SUCK a fuck.
"Oh, please, tell me Lauren Elizabeth, how exactly does one suck a fuck?"
I found my old journal that I stopped writing in sometime after Xxxx broke up with me. I decided to read through it today, and reading it made me angry. SO fucking angry, in fact, that I'm gonna put this shit on BLAST.
January 11, 2009
Sometimes I feel like Xxxx is shrugging me off. He calls earlier and earlier than he used to, and we barely talk. I feel like he doesn't like talking to me. Like he'd rather just not be bothered. Like, he says 'i love you' just to shut me up. I'm not feeling good about anything today. Maybe it's just cause I miss him...?
He broke up with me in February, like 2 days or someshit before Valentine's Day. For two days, I couldn't eat, sleep, or think properly. I was physically SICK, throwing up and feeling constantly nauseated. I had headaches from stress and probably from over thinking what the fuck went wrong. And I spent a LONG time after we broke up, trying to figure out what the fuck I did wrong. We talked for a while after everything went to shit. Long, painfully awkward conversations. And then eventually, all communication died down.
Then sometime in August, after not talking for months; he calls me up to make amends. In one night, he spills out all the wrongs. All his, I might add. And I'm not going to go into detail about what was said, but basically some fucking defect in him ruined what we had. Add to that the lying that went on about him smoking pot... Well, we were doomed. Of course, being who I am, I accepted the apology and told him it would take time, but he could be a part of my life eventually.
So here's what pissed me off. I spent months trying to figure out what the FUCK was wrong with me, when all along it was some internal conflict going on in his head that fucked up our relationship, my trust in him, my trust in guys in general, and most importantly, how I felt about myself.
We haven't stayed in contact since the apology, for whatever reason. And to be completely honest, I could give a fuck less. In all the months that have passed since my heart was ripped out of my chest and stepped on... I've done a LOT of learning about myself, how I deal with things, and life in general. And what I've come to realize is that someone who's hurt me THAT badly in the past has NO business being a part of my future. In any respect.
So I'm going to dole out one last apology, even though personally, I don't think it's well deserved. If you should end up reading this, which part of me hopes you will, this is how I felt when you were doing whatever it was you were doing, with whomever it was you were doing it with. And I'm sorry about a lot of things. I'm sorry I didn't bring it to your attention sooner that I could sense the change in you. I'm sorry I didn't confront you when you were blatantly and obviously lying to me about your drug habits. I'm sorry I wrote this in a blog, instead of just saying it directly to you... But you of all people should know what it's like to not tell someone how you REALLY feel. What I'm the most sorry about... is the fact that I let this go on for so long. Knowing what I knew, and feeling what I felt... I should've just said something earlier. Done something for myself, instead of waiting for you to do it for me. I wouldn't trade the time I spent with you for the world, but I've traveled so far in such a short time, I'll never be able to see it the same way again.
I've spoken my peace.
----------------
Now playing: VersaEmerge - Clocks
via FoxyTunes
I found my old journal that I stopped writing in sometime after Xxxx broke up with me. I decided to read through it today, and reading it made me angry. SO fucking angry, in fact, that I'm gonna put this shit on BLAST.
January 11, 2009
Sometimes I feel like Xxxx is shrugging me off. He calls earlier and earlier than he used to, and we barely talk. I feel like he doesn't like talking to me. Like he'd rather just not be bothered. Like, he says 'i love you' just to shut me up. I'm not feeling good about anything today. Maybe it's just cause I miss him...?
He broke up with me in February, like 2 days or someshit before Valentine's Day. For two days, I couldn't eat, sleep, or think properly. I was physically SICK, throwing up and feeling constantly nauseated. I had headaches from stress and probably from over thinking what the fuck went wrong. And I spent a LONG time after we broke up, trying to figure out what the fuck I did wrong. We talked for a while after everything went to shit. Long, painfully awkward conversations. And then eventually, all communication died down.
Then sometime in August, after not talking for months; he calls me up to make amends. In one night, he spills out all the wrongs. All his, I might add. And I'm not going to go into detail about what was said, but basically some fucking defect in him ruined what we had. Add to that the lying that went on about him smoking pot... Well, we were doomed. Of course, being who I am, I accepted the apology and told him it would take time, but he could be a part of my life eventually.
So here's what pissed me off. I spent months trying to figure out what the FUCK was wrong with me, when all along it was some internal conflict going on in his head that fucked up our relationship, my trust in him, my trust in guys in general, and most importantly, how I felt about myself.
We haven't stayed in contact since the apology, for whatever reason. And to be completely honest, I could give a fuck less. In all the months that have passed since my heart was ripped out of my chest and stepped on... I've done a LOT of learning about myself, how I deal with things, and life in general. And what I've come to realize is that someone who's hurt me THAT badly in the past has NO business being a part of my future. In any respect.
So I'm going to dole out one last apology, even though personally, I don't think it's well deserved. If you should end up reading this, which part of me hopes you will, this is how I felt when you were doing whatever it was you were doing, with whomever it was you were doing it with. And I'm sorry about a lot of things. I'm sorry I didn't bring it to your attention sooner that I could sense the change in you. I'm sorry I didn't confront you when you were blatantly and obviously lying to me about your drug habits. I'm sorry I wrote this in a blog, instead of just saying it directly to you... But you of all people should know what it's like to not tell someone how you REALLY feel. What I'm the most sorry about... is the fact that I let this go on for so long. Knowing what I knew, and feeling what I felt... I should've just said something earlier. Done something for myself, instead of waiting for you to do it for me. I wouldn't trade the time I spent with you for the world, but I've traveled so far in such a short time, I'll never be able to see it the same way again.
I've spoken my peace.
----------------
Now playing: VersaEmerge - Clocks
via FoxyTunes
8/26/09
But she wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts... She's the cheer captain and I'm on the bleechers.
-sings- Dreaming about the day when you wake up and find, what you've been waiting for has been here the whole time... If you could see that I'm the one that understands you. Been here all along... So why can't you see that you belong with me... You belong with me.
Err... No, I wasn't just singing Taylor Swift lyrics... Fuck.. Okay, I was. This is one of 2 guilty pleasure songs I'm really digging at the moment. "You Belong With Me" by Taylor Swift, and... Ugh. It's embarrassing to write. "Party In The USA" by Miley Cyrus. FUCK MY LIFE. WHYYY AM I SO INTO THESE SONGS?! What sucks is that I can kinda apply the Taylor Swift song to my own life. Ugh. So gross right? Unrequited love sucks. LOL. And aside from my patheticness... Idk... They're so... singable. I can't explain it. I just... can't... help myself...
-sings- So I put my hands up... They’re playing my song, and the butterflies fly away. Noddin’ my head like yea... Movin' my hips like yea... I got my hands--
Dude, was I just singing Miley lyrics?!
STOP THE MADNESS!!!!
So, in other news... I had a very nice heart to heart with Kristen tonight. It's been a while since we've been able to just sit and spill whats being going on in our heads like... all summer. It's decided that we miss Anthony a lot more than we thought we would. And this whole not talking to him thing is making the separation a little harder than it would be if he were at a normal college. We also talked about relationships and lies and friendships that don't survive. It was comforting, because in having this conversation I realized that she's one of my best friends ever. I needed someone like her in my life. We compliment each other well. :)
Idk, I felt like I'd have more to blog about.
I could go on about pointlessness, but I think I'm gonna stop this here, before I start to REALLY ramble. You DON'T want that to happen... :)
-sings- So I put my hands up, they’re playing my song and the butterflies fly away. Noddin’ my head like yea, movin' my hips like yea... I got my hands up, they’re playin' my song... I know I'm gonna be ok. Yea, It's a party in the USA... Yea, It's a party in the USA.
Peace out, blogstalkers. ;)
<3Laur
Err... No, I wasn't just singing Taylor Swift lyrics... Fuck.. Okay, I was. This is one of 2 guilty pleasure songs I'm really digging at the moment. "You Belong With Me" by Taylor Swift, and... Ugh. It's embarrassing to write. "Party In The USA" by Miley Cyrus. FUCK MY LIFE. WHYYY AM I SO INTO THESE SONGS?! What sucks is that I can kinda apply the Taylor Swift song to my own life. Ugh. So gross right? Unrequited love sucks. LOL. And aside from my patheticness... Idk... They're so... singable. I can't explain it. I just... can't... help myself...
-sings- So I put my hands up... They’re playing my song, and the butterflies fly away. Noddin’ my head like yea... Movin' my hips like yea... I got my hands--
Dude, was I just singing Miley lyrics?!
STOP THE MADNESS!!!!
So, in other news... I had a very nice heart to heart with Kristen tonight. It's been a while since we've been able to just sit and spill whats being going on in our heads like... all summer. It's decided that we miss Anthony a lot more than we thought we would. And this whole not talking to him thing is making the separation a little harder than it would be if he were at a normal college. We also talked about relationships and lies and friendships that don't survive. It was comforting, because in having this conversation I realized that she's one of my best friends ever. I needed someone like her in my life. We compliment each other well. :)
Idk, I felt like I'd have more to blog about.
I could go on about pointlessness, but I think I'm gonna stop this here, before I start to REALLY ramble. You DON'T want that to happen... :)
-sings- So I put my hands up, they’re playing my song and the butterflies fly away. Noddin’ my head like yea, movin' my hips like yea... I got my hands up, they’re playin' my song... I know I'm gonna be ok. Yea, It's a party in the USA... Yea, It's a party in the USA.
Peace out, blogstalkers. ;)
<3Laur
8/23/09
RAYMAN NEW-DELLZ.
It's been a while and I have a lot on mind, so I thought I'd blog a bit before I went nuts from over-thinking, re-thinking, and over-thinking some more.
Last time I bloggededed I wrote that the boys were leaving for college soon. Well... They're gone. Anthony is officially a Rat at VMI, Dillon's chilling with a bunch of REALLY smart people over at Case who apparently LAIR (like in Role Models), and Mikey... well, to be honest, idk what the fuck Mikey's doing. So they're gone and Kristen & Chris are in fucking Lake George for the weekend. Amanda, Andrew, David, and Tara were in Jersey all week. And Pat and Cait went to Hershey for the weekend. Basically ALL my friends are gone. That is, except for Sammi. We've been indulging in long winded shopping trips and RED MANGO (which is my new obsession), and laughing at asshole drivers. It's been a blastie. But I've been spending more time at home than I'd like to be doing. I hate being alone. I hate not having anyone to do stuff with. I miss my friends.... My ridiculous, crazy, inappropriate at times, funny as fuck, REALLY INAPPROPRIATE, no holds barred, amazingly wonderful friends. -le sigh-
But hey! In September (the 5th to be exact) I'm driving down to VA with Kristen and Anthony's mom, to go visit Anthony at VMI. It's the parents weekend, and apparently we're allowed to come hang out with him for the day and have lunch/dinner with him. It's strange how much I miss Anthony. I mean, I miss him, duh. And I know why. I'm used to seeing him every effing day... He, Kristen and I did basically everything we could together. Aaaand now I havent spoken to him in what feels like days, even though it's only been like... 2. I just hope that VMI doesn't change him or anything. Cause that would suck... Majorly.
I've been getting into some seriously suspect music. Lots of electronic stuff. Or, rather, poppy stuff with electronic sensibilities. Bands such as: Owl City, Swimming With Dolphins (the Owl City side project), Metro Station (but not rly), Blood On The Dance Floor, Breathe Carolina, MILLIONAIRES (even though I kinda hate them), LMFAO, Brokencyde, Cash Cash, Kill Paradise... stuff like that. I IMPLORE YOU TO CHECK THIS STUFF OUT. I even went through the trouble of linking all this shit. SO DO IT. I mean, yeah... Some of it is kinda trashhhhhy... But Owl City and Swimming With Dolphins is pretty legit. OH, and PLEASE check out this Justin Beiber kid. He's like... what? Twelve. And he's got one of the cutest (yet heartfelt and danceable) songs I've heard in a LONG time. And like, you kinda can, but CAN'T tell that he's like... three years old and singing about love. Idk, can't explain it! You gotta listen to it.
OH BY THE WAY. I found a new youtuber to get all crazy over. Destery of DesandNate. Well, I mean Nate is way cute too. I like the way he kinda has a lopsided smile, and talks outta the corner of his mouth. Ez cute. :) Buuuut DESTERY... omg. I feel like I know this kid. He makes weird noises like I do. Like the weird/annoying raptor noise I make... he makes. I think he does it better too, but omfg. Haha. He's funny. I have a weird youtube crush on him. Apparently they're old hat though. Everyone knows about them and theres like MAD weird chicks who make tribute videos and shit about them. I mean, they're funny and cute and what not, but they're also people.... just like you and me. Two very cute people. Um.... YEAH. Off topic much? I liked you to their page so you could check them out. But seriously. I wanna be their bff. If they weren't bff with eachother already. I guess. ...Yeah. -awkward turtle- Anyhoo, for some laughs, check out the vids IDEK 7: Christmas Boners and IDEK (Who Took The Cookie: A Word With Nathan 2). Good shit. Much better than Fred. I promise.
I think this is as much blog as I can stand for now.
But there goes my mind... thinking and shit as usual... what the fuck.
God DAMN it.
Time to watch another movie.
Later foo's.
----------------
Now playing: Justin Beiber - One Time
via FoxyTunes
Last time I bloggededed I wrote that the boys were leaving for college soon. Well... They're gone. Anthony is officially a Rat at VMI, Dillon's chilling with a bunch of REALLY smart people over at Case who apparently LAIR (like in Role Models), and Mikey... well, to be honest, idk what the fuck Mikey's doing. So they're gone and Kristen & Chris are in fucking Lake George for the weekend. Amanda, Andrew, David, and Tara were in Jersey all week. And Pat and Cait went to Hershey for the weekend. Basically ALL my friends are gone. That is, except for Sammi. We've been indulging in long winded shopping trips and RED MANGO (which is my new obsession), and laughing at asshole drivers. It's been a blastie. But I've been spending more time at home than I'd like to be doing. I hate being alone. I hate not having anyone to do stuff with. I miss my friends.... My ridiculous, crazy, inappropriate at times, funny as fuck, REALLY INAPPROPRIATE, no holds barred, amazingly wonderful friends. -le sigh-
But hey! In September (the 5th to be exact) I'm driving down to VA with Kristen and Anthony's mom, to go visit Anthony at VMI. It's the parents weekend, and apparently we're allowed to come hang out with him for the day and have lunch/dinner with him. It's strange how much I miss Anthony. I mean, I miss him, duh. And I know why. I'm used to seeing him every effing day... He, Kristen and I did basically everything we could together. Aaaand now I havent spoken to him in what feels like days, even though it's only been like... 2. I just hope that VMI doesn't change him or anything. Cause that would suck... Majorly.
I've been getting into some seriously suspect music. Lots of electronic stuff. Or, rather, poppy stuff with electronic sensibilities. Bands such as: Owl City, Swimming With Dolphins (the Owl City side project), Metro Station (but not rly), Blood On The Dance Floor, Breathe Carolina, MILLIONAIRES (even though I kinda hate them), LMFAO, Brokencyde, Cash Cash, Kill Paradise... stuff like that. I IMPLORE YOU TO CHECK THIS STUFF OUT. I even went through the trouble of linking all this shit. SO DO IT. I mean, yeah... Some of it is kinda trashhhhhy... But Owl City and Swimming With Dolphins is pretty legit. OH, and PLEASE check out this Justin Beiber kid. He's like... what? Twelve. And he's got one of the cutest (yet heartfelt and danceable) songs I've heard in a LONG time. And like, you kinda can, but CAN'T tell that he's like... three years old and singing about love. Idk, can't explain it! You gotta listen to it.
OH BY THE WAY. I found a new youtuber to get all crazy over. Destery of DesandNate. Well, I mean Nate is way cute too. I like the way he kinda has a lopsided smile, and talks outta the corner of his mouth. Ez cute. :) Buuuut DESTERY... omg. I feel like I know this kid. He makes weird noises like I do. Like the weird/annoying raptor noise I make... he makes. I think he does it better too, but omfg. Haha. He's funny. I have a weird youtube crush on him. Apparently they're old hat though. Everyone knows about them and theres like MAD weird chicks who make tribute videos and shit about them. I mean, they're funny and cute and what not, but they're also people.... just like you and me. Two very cute people. Um.... YEAH. Off topic much? I liked you to their page so you could check them out. But seriously. I wanna be their bff. If they weren't bff with eachother already. I guess. ...Yeah. -awkward turtle- Anyhoo, for some laughs, check out the vids IDEK 7: Christmas Boners and IDEK (Who Took The Cookie: A Word With Nathan 2). Good shit. Much better than Fred. I promise.
I think this is as much blog as I can stand for now.
But there goes my mind... thinking and shit as usual... what the fuck.
God DAMN it.
Time to watch another movie.
Later foo's.
----------------
Now playing: Justin Beiber - One Time
via FoxyTunes
8/11/09
I'm just like me... So who the hell are you?
This summer is FLYING by so quickly. It's kinda scary. We're already in August, and all my boys are leaving for school next week. Where's my social life gonna go?! And where are Kristen and I gonna go when we're bitching about boys? I mean, it's not like my opinion counts for shit, but I'm SO not thrilled about them leaving. A good amount of my GOOD friends are gonna be GOOOOONE. And not just like... 2 hours away. Or 4 hours away. MAD FAR. (Lauren isn't happy.) That being said... I'm trying to make the most out of the week I've got left with my boys.
-le sigh-
I have a lot on my mind, and nothing I can write here.
----------------
Now playing: Envy On The Coast - Starving Your Friends
via FoxyTunes
-le sigh-
I have a lot on my mind, and nothing I can write here.
----------------
Now playing: Envy On The Coast - Starving Your Friends
via FoxyTunes
8/3/09
I want you to want me...
Probably the most honest way of saying what you're always thinking. In love or not. All we want is to be wanted, to be loved, and to give our love. Whether it's easy for you to admit or not, that's the way it goes.
7/31/09
things to consider...
one day im gonna stop being such a fucking coward and say what really needs to be said. ...one day. hopefully. who knows though.
also, i'll be more like Kat Dennings; who happens to be infinitely more awesome than i am.
fried oreos should be considered a holy meal.
going to see lil' wayne, drake, soulja boy, young jeezy, and jeremih on saturday. IT SHALL BE EPIC.
okai, bai. <3
----------------
Now playing: Aaliyah ft DMX - Come Back In One Piece
via FoxyTunes
also, i'll be more like Kat Dennings; who happens to be infinitely more awesome than i am.
fried oreos should be considered a holy meal.
going to see lil' wayne, drake, soulja boy, young jeezy, and jeremih on saturday. IT SHALL BE EPIC.
okai, bai. <3
----------------
Now playing: Aaliyah ft DMX - Come Back In One Piece
via FoxyTunes
7/26/09
I'm gonna smile and not get worried. I try, but it shows.
It's like missing the bus by a minute, and having to wait what feels like forever for the next one to come.
It's like buying someone the birthday present they've always wanted, just to find out someone gave it to them before you did.
It's like being passed up for the promotion you know you deserve, and having to watch someone half as able as you get the job you dream of having.
...and not being able to say anything about it.
No. It's not like any of that at all.
----------------
Now playing: Jimmy Eat World - Pain
via FoxyTunes
It's like buying someone the birthday present they've always wanted, just to find out someone gave it to them before you did.
It's like being passed up for the promotion you know you deserve, and having to watch someone half as able as you get the job you dream of having.
...and not being able to say anything about it.
No. It's not like any of that at all.
----------------
Now playing: Jimmy Eat World - Pain
via FoxyTunes
7/11/09
Ask me why I'm awake at 3am. Go on, ask!!
i woke up for the sole reason that i was absolutely parched, and thought i might die if i didn't drink something. i walk into the kitchen and that's when i notice the annoying hum thats coming from outside. i look outside my back sliding door -- and there it is. helicopter hovering in the sky, search light on and in motion. my heart basically stops.
this is strangely reminiscent of 3 summers ago when they were looking for the creep with the severed head in his trunk.
if it's not a serious matter -- this helicopter hovering over my house is gonna get a rock tossed at it. though im like 99.999999% sure they're looking for someone in it, and i'm telling you -- if it turns out like it did 3 summers ago when they were looking for the guy who murdered someone FOUR BLOCKS AWAY FROM MY HOUSE -- we're gonna have some MAJOR issues. i'll be taking my car and relocating to somewhere I'd feel safer. Like Mississippi or Massachussetts.
...mark my fucking words.
as for now, i'm barricading myself in my room with my ipod on, so i can concentrate on beyonce and her huge ego -- as opposed to thinking about the fact that there might be a psychotic killer running through the streets of glen cove, somehow evading the shmuck piloting the helicopter with the huge fucking light on it.
god damn it.
this is strangely reminiscent of 3 summers ago when they were looking for the creep with the severed head in his trunk.
if it's not a serious matter -- this helicopter hovering over my house is gonna get a rock tossed at it. though im like 99.999999% sure they're looking for someone in it, and i'm telling you -- if it turns out like it did 3 summers ago when they were looking for the guy who murdered someone FOUR BLOCKS AWAY FROM MY HOUSE -- we're gonna have some MAJOR issues. i'll be taking my car and relocating to somewhere I'd feel safer. Like Mississippi or Massachussetts.
...mark my fucking words.
as for now, i'm barricading myself in my room with my ipod on, so i can concentrate on beyonce and her huge ego -- as opposed to thinking about the fact that there might be a psychotic killer running through the streets of glen cove, somehow evading the shmuck piloting the helicopter with the huge fucking light on it.
god damn it.
7/7/09
Whispers In The Dark
In response to my previous post, Seattle finally made amends with Climate. I'm now FINALLY enjoying my summer. :) Well... I would be if it weren't for certain things...
I'm too stressed to go into detail now, but Mom's in the hospital and I am being put through the ringer by my campers this summer.
Maybe I'll post tomorrow in more detail. Right now though, I'm gonna go lay down and relax. This summer is fucking tough. It sucks. D:
----------------
Now playing: Skillet - Whispers In The Dark
via FoxyTunes
I'm too stressed to go into detail now, but Mom's in the hospital and I am being put through the ringer by my campers this summer.
Maybe I'll post tomorrow in more detail. Right now though, I'm gonna go lay down and relax. This summer is fucking tough. It sucks. D:
----------------
Now playing: Skillet - Whispers In The Dark
via FoxyTunes
6/23/09
It's with the deepest regrets that I must inform you...
Dearest Seattle,
Once upon a time, I dreamt of uprooting my life, ditching the Long Island scene, and running away to live the Seattle life. Ferry boats, the needle, coffee shops, grunge... and the near constant rain. But I'd be happy even though it rained because I'd be close to the motherland of my true idol, Kurt. (You guys are real tight, remember?) I'd hide out from the rain in coffee shops when I wasn't otherwise indisposed with either my schooling or my adventures into the beautiful mountainous forests, and I'd enjoy the life I had made for myself. Then, something went terribly wrong.
Perhaps you knew of my plans, and became impatient for my time with you, and sent your wife, Climate towards New York to try and lure me in. Or perhaps it was something different altogether. Perhaps, you and the Climate had a bad marital spat -- and the Climate, seeking solace, came to New York for a new life, and now, you're sitting -- no, wallowing in regret because your Climate is having an affair with another landscape. Your forests are going un-bathed, your peoples attitudes towards life are dramatically shifting, and there's something missing...
I'll be quite frank with you, on her little 'mental vacation', Climate is causing problems. What she doesn't realize is that her harsh persona isn't charming to New Yorkers. Rather, she's come in like a bat from the fiery pits of hell, is and is messing with the wrong batch of people. We don't get depressed, like the folks back in Seattle... We get angry.
Anyway, the point of me writing, my dearest Seattle? I IMPLORE YOU -- whatever the reason for her picking up and moving -- YOU MUST FIX IT. For your sake and hers as well. I'm merely the messenger. OH! And while we're on the subject of myself -- I'd just like to inform you, that I want nothing to do with you, and I will NOT be relocating any time soon. It was sweet while it lasted, and you still have Kurt -- just don't contact me any longer. It won't look good on your record.
My deepest and most sincere regrets,
Lauren Elizabeth
Once upon a time, I dreamt of uprooting my life, ditching the Long Island scene, and running away to live the Seattle life. Ferry boats, the needle, coffee shops, grunge... and the near constant rain. But I'd be happy even though it rained because I'd be close to the motherland of my true idol, Kurt. (You guys are real tight, remember?) I'd hide out from the rain in coffee shops when I wasn't otherwise indisposed with either my schooling or my adventures into the beautiful mountainous forests, and I'd enjoy the life I had made for myself. Then, something went terribly wrong.
Perhaps you knew of my plans, and became impatient for my time with you, and sent your wife, Climate towards New York to try and lure me in. Or perhaps it was something different altogether. Perhaps, you and the Climate had a bad marital spat -- and the Climate, seeking solace, came to New York for a new life, and now, you're sitting -- no, wallowing in regret because your Climate is having an affair with another landscape. Your forests are going un-bathed, your peoples attitudes towards life are dramatically shifting, and there's something missing...
I'll be quite frank with you, on her little 'mental vacation', Climate is causing problems. What she doesn't realize is that her harsh persona isn't charming to New Yorkers. Rather, she's come in like a bat from the fiery pits of hell, is and is messing with the wrong batch of people. We don't get depressed, like the folks back in Seattle... We get angry.
Anyway, the point of me writing, my dearest Seattle? I IMPLORE YOU -- whatever the reason for her picking up and moving -- YOU MUST FIX IT. For your sake and hers as well. I'm merely the messenger. OH! And while we're on the subject of myself -- I'd just like to inform you, that I want nothing to do with you, and I will NOT be relocating any time soon. It was sweet while it lasted, and you still have Kurt -- just don't contact me any longer. It won't look good on your record.
My deepest and most sincere regrets,
Lauren Elizabeth
Sappy idiot.
No matter who you are, what you've done, where you are, and what you think -- there's always going to be someone who loves and cares for you unconditionally. No matter what you do currently to make those people upset, annoyed, or skeptical about you -- they'll always love you and always be there for you. Time and distance aren't factors in how much you love someone... and for that, we should all be grateful.
That being said, I'm happy lately. It's nice to know that no matter how many people come in and out of your life, there are always going to be the few who remain true to you, and there for you -- no matter what.
I love you all.
-Lauren.
----------------
Now playing: Other Lives - Black Tables
via FoxyTunes
That being said, I'm happy lately. It's nice to know that no matter how many people come in and out of your life, there are always going to be the few who remain true to you, and there for you -- no matter what.
I love you all.
-Lauren.
----------------
Now playing: Other Lives - Black Tables
via FoxyTunes
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