Friday the 13th, huh? Fuck that shit.

I don't really know how to explain how I'm feeling right now. All I can say is that this is the worst I've felt since October. The worst I've felt since before everything started to make sense again. I know what was said, and I know what was meant; but right now, right this moment, I'm a little confused. Maybe I took it the wrong way. Maybe I was wrong about it. Maybe this is as bad as I thought it was.

I've had a dull, nagging headache all day. The kind that tells me that maybe it's not pressure in my head, but rather pressure in my brain that's making me feel like this. I don't make sense to you, and I don't care. I let my mind wander while I was waiting for my bus transfer this morning and almost threw up while I was standing there. I'm not really sure how I kept myself from heaving, but I did. I zombie-d my way through American History, and I think I even absorbed some of what she said. I think. All I remember is something about a llama. Fuck, I'm probably wrong. I got to ASL and I was okay. Animated even! :O I'm proud of myself for putting myself out there and sort-of talking to some new people. It's nice. Then I finally talked to Mario after class for about 2 seconds, stupid buses; and went on to zombie my way home. Not really paying attention to anyone or anything, which I realize now probably could have gotten me hit by a bus. Wonderful.

I went to work. I did my job. Enjoyed some time with the kids. Almost killed myself while watching The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian -- because no movie should ever be that fucking ridiculously epic and long. Then when all the kids left, I went outside for some fresh air and this time I actually did throw up a little. I brought myself inside, finished tossing my cookies and laid down on the couch. I wound up passing out for like 2 hours. Fucking wonderful. I came home when I woke up.

I'm not really sure of what to make of all this. I don't know what's going on. I don't know what to think. I don't know which way is up, down, or which direction I should be headed in. All I know is I'm kind of messed up right now, mainly because I'm so confused. And the only place that brings me any kind of comfort is my bed.

With that, I'm going to go sleep for an ungodly amount of time. Hopefully I'm given some kind of clarity within the next few days. Otherwise...?

Fuck.

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