Bookworm.

I have two tests today that I neglected to study for all week. Two tests, that I could have spent all day yesterday studying for. Two tests that I might very well FAIL now, because I didn't study at all.

Dumb-Lauren decided she would have rather read "19 Minutes" -- all bagillion pages of it -- in a day, than study. I hate that the book was so addicting, and that ALL my pin-point sized attention span wanted yesterday was to find out what happened in the book...

And now, we'll see how much my brain really does retain from cramming, since I'll be studying all the way to school, and during the hour wait for Test 1 (Criminal Behavior). And then studying for Test 2 (Child Development) as soon as I'm done with the first test.

Fuck my life.

Fear.

What's your greatest fear? Clowns? Spiders? Heights? Falling? Drowning? Fires? Murders?
Death? Destruction? Being lost? Going deaf? Going blind?


My greatest fear is losing you.
The rest, I could deal with. Easily.
I just can't imagine my life without you in it.

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Now playing: Snow Patrol - Open Your Eyes
via FoxyTunes

Phoenix.

I think we all have the potential to be phoenixes in life, metaphorically of course. We are all fiery, and strong willed; or we have the capacity to be. And when we're hurt by an enemy, or worse... a loved one, we burst into a flame of emotion and hurt. The flames will dissipate eventually, and from the ashes of what we once were... we are re-born. Stronger, wiser, and more capable of surviving in this world. We are anew.

We all have this phoenix in us. At least I know I do.

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Now playing: Atreyu - Epic
via FoxyTunes

Angry.

I'm pissed. I open up to the one person I thought I could trust. The one person who I figured wouldn't ever abandon me... And what happens? I get jack shit from it. If at all possible, I feel worse than I did to begin with.

It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have a history with the person. If I hadn't been there for this person, and listened to them when they had a bunch of shit going on. It would be a completely different fucking story.

I'm fed up, angry, and I feel used.
Honestly, what the fuck am I supposed to think?

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Now playing: Sia - Sunday
via FoxyTunes

Warning! Warning! Warning! Cabin pressure exceeding limits. GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN!

I am swamped and completely unmotivated. The Boys and Girls Club DramaKids production is a week from today, and while I'm excited for it to happen, I'm equally excited for it to be over. I just have too much shit to do...

Stress In Bullet Form

• FAFSA for 09-10 -- which means nothing other than going onto the website and applying, but the process is SO long and arduous and unappealing. Besides, the other stuff I have to do is more important. This can wait, kinda.
• Register for Fall 09 classes. BOOO. This is my last semester at turnpike tech, I don't give a flying fuck dude. I'm outtie after this, I'll transfer to the highest bidder.
• 10 page criminal profile on the Serial Killer/Mass Murderer/Spree Murderder/Criminal Psychotic of my choice. This is proving difficult though, because the Glen Cove Public Library doesn't have any books on the people that I want to do my report on. Ugh. -headdesk-
• HUGE ASS report on Oyster Bay for my crack head American History teacher. It's like 10 powerpoint slides, about the history of Oyster Bay -- precolombian contact til 18--something. Idk. I don't want to do it.
• I have an ASL paper to due on a book that I don't own.
• An english paper due on Othello.
• One more retarded History paper due.
• And soooooo many tests to study for.

Ugh, can you say Fuck My Life? I can! ...Clearly I don't care though because I'm just going about my life as usual. Haha.

Oh, and what's this about this concert goin on at Nassau on tuesday? Shwayze and Tyga? Oh boy. Hahaha... We'll see about that.

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Now playing: Lil Wayne - Prom Queen
via FoxyTunes

Car Porn, Procrastination Station, R.E.M. Racket, and Cryptic Messages! READ ON!!!

I saw Fast And Furious tonight. The plot wasn't terribly fascinating, but if you're looking for SICK special effects...? GO SEE THIS MOVIE, now. Don't wait. Go! Quickly! Into the night, you must ride! The review I read about it this morning said it was basically porn for car-people. I'm not a car person, and that movie (plot excluded) was pretty damn good. I wonder how many car enthusiasts came in their pants while they watched this movie... Oh god, bad thought! MOVING RIGHT ALONG!

I might have enjoyed the movie more if I hadn't almost given myself a heart attack during the movie. Midway through, I realized I have SO MUCH homework to do before Wednesday of next week. A paper for American History which is basically impossible to bullshit, and an essay for English which i COULD bullshit, but since I have A's on both of my other papers -- I actually want to keep the trend going. Maybe pull an A for the entire semester. Hmm? That'd be nice. Now aside from that I also have to start SERIOUSLY considering serial killers for my Criminal Profile paper, which has to be a whopping 10 --YES, TEN!-- pages long. Doesn't seem like a lot of work, but considering my level of procrastination experience... I'm going to end up finding every excuse I can pull out of thin air to NOT do the papers on time. I know I will.

Jeremie keeps waking me up at like 6 am with text messages every morning. Not only does he text me and wake me up, but I'm always in the middle of a really nice dream. GRR YOU JEREMIE!!!! I don't know what the meaning of this is, but I never respond to texts people send me while I'm asleep. It's on principle alone. You could be Joseph Gordon Levit, you could be Mike Comrie, James Marsden, Ryan Reynolds, Rupert Grint, or even fucking KURT COBAIN... Don't fucking disturb me when you know I'm sleeping. (Let me just state for the record, that if any one of those people wants to disturb me while I'm sleeping, I implore them to do it. I was simply trying to make a point.)

So we're on "Spring Break" from Nassau. Honestly, 5 days isn't much of a break. I'd prefer 7 like Queens College gets, but don't even get me started on that. Anyway... typically I'm not particularly busy during my breaks. But this one? Holy shit. Every day is busy busy busy. I like it, don't get me wrong, but I am SO damn tired.

I got my hair dyed today. It's a reddish brown with dark RED highlights. It looks SOOOO awesome. I'm so proud of my hair finally pulling through and being awesome like I knew it could. =] Hahahaaha, I'm trippin, ignore that cocky statement.

EXTRA, EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT!:
The war of Head vs. Heart is nearing the end. Hearts troops are diminishing at an alarming rate because of the help that Head is recieving from foreign troops. We all know that Head is the super power between the two fighting peoples, but sometimes... sometimes Heart comes out of nowhere with a suprise win. We'll have to see how this goes.

IN OTHER NEWS!:
I'm an alien. Bwaaaaargh. Goodnight.

~Laur.

How the internet ruined our lives.

I was talking to Amanda about this the other day, but I figured I'd blog on it too, since it's a decent topic. I think I totally resent the day and age we live in. Technology rules everything. E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G! Everyone has a cell phone. Everyone has a computer at home. More and more people have laptops, which allow you to bring your computer EVERYWHERE with you. The companies are even making the laptops smaller and lighter, as to reduce the so very strenuous task of carrying the fucking thing from place to place. Everything is automated. People are getting lazy. No one meets in person anymore. Not with sites like myspace, facebook, myyearbook, friendster... Ad infinitum, ad nauseum. You get my point. And with this video chat thing we've got going on now? Skypeing, iChatting, and ooVoo-ing will eventually take over the idea of "meeting up and talking." Now the talking? THIS is the part that bugs me the most. People don't talk anymore. We text. Across country, across a building, across the room from eachother? Honestly people, what the fuck is going on? Get your ass up, build up some courage, and SAY what the fuck you're thinking. It's more convenient, maybe -- but our linguistic skills, as well as our grammar; are taking serious hits from this. "Facebook me!" has become the new way of saying "Call me!" People don't even introduce themselves to other people anymore! This is how far the digital-mindfuck goes. I notice at Nassau, that people who are simply trying to make friendly conversation with other people usually get "the look" (You know the one I'm talking about. The 'Oh my god, is this creeper really talking to me?'-look.) and then they get laughed about behind their backs. It's kind of (read: REALLY) fucked up. I know of a couple who met in a public place (le gasp!) and built their relationship up over a series of mid-day visits, meaningful conversations, and actual social interaction. Trouble is, that couple met somewhere around 10 years ago. No texting, less email, more face-to-face. And as for the state of their relationship? 10 years, still going strong.

...Look, I'm not saying I'm above the technology. In fact, I rely upon it as much as the next person. I mean, hello? I'm sitting here writing a blog for fucks sake. What I'm saying is that I hate technology for what it's made the world into. Sure, we've got excellent blackberry connections, but our social skills are shit. I long for a world like the 90's. Even the 80's. Any time before technology came in like Godzilla and destroyed all the old traditions under it's huge, over prices, mp3 enhanced sneakers.

I've spoken my peace.

-L

this is what it sounds like when doves cry.

i can't see myself lasting much longer.

i've developed a tolerance to the pain, but the buzzing in my head, the constant "what if"... that i'm never going to get used to.