I'm getting this feeling that I'm kind of useless lately. Like I'm really not needed. Like some people are maybe keeping me around because they either feel bad telling me to screw off, don't want to waste the energy telling me so, or because it's just convenient to keep me around.
That's a pretty stupid thing to think. Why would it be convenient to keep dead weight around? I don't even know why I'm thinking this stuff anyway. It's probably all in my head. How dare I even think that the amazing people in my life think of me that way.
...Still, the thought pops up every now and then. I've been sad lately. And trying to hide it. I'm not sure how it works, but this is me telling the world that something is bugging me. I'm gonna blame it on the fact that I'm sick. The sickness is fucking with my emotions.
I'm feeling a bit better than earlier this morning. I woke up and was puking at like 3 this morning. That kept up until 6ish. And then I was just dry-heaving since there was nothing in me. I've been drinking water. I'm feeling much better now. I haven't felt nauseous since like... 11ish. Still, my head is throbbing, and I'm coughing and sneezing like a mo-fo. Stayed home from work because I don't wanna contaminate the kids. I'm sure they won't even realize I'm not there. Hopefully tomorrow I can go back to work. I hate being at home. It's so lonely, since the cats can't be bothered to hang out with me. I want a puppy to keep me company. Ohyeah, now I'm certain, I'm delusional. Puppies! Yeah, right.
God, I've got to stop with this shit.
Maybe some more benodryl and sleep.
I want to be happy.
Like... Katherine Hiegl at the end of 27 Dresses. That kind of happy. Where it's her day, and nothing could possibly happen to fuck it up. Thats a once-in-a-lifetime kind of happy though. Why would I waste it when I'm 19? Idk. Maybe I should just stop typing. Why am I retarded.
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