Sooner, not later.

Well, yesterday was absolutely ridiculous. Started and ended the day in tears, with little change in between. I cried like a baby the entire ride there, while we waited for the bus to show up, and I went hysterical after he threw his luggage under the bus. The hardest thing I've ever had to do, was letting him get on that bus. I was miserable. I contemplated following him on the bus, but that would have been stupid because I had no ticket, and no money, and virtually all of my shit was in the car with Mom. As we were leaving Hempstead, we were driving behind the bus, which sucked. The distance between us kept growing, and all I wanted to do was to stop and rewind time. And just repeat the process. Letting go was so painful.

So I tried to pay my NCC bill after we left. They weren't open. I was upset, again. So I went home. Mom made food. I don't remember what it was. I ate like a zombie. Went to my room. And spent the majority of the day/night in there. Sam came and took me out for a while (thanks for that), but my heart wasn't in it. It was, and still is; in the hands of that boy.

I couldn't sleep last night, and according to Mom, when I did sleep, I was crying and screaming in my sleep. Wonderful. I woke up clinging to the panda bear Cory bought me, for dear life.

Today is a little better, even though I woke up this morning under the impression he was still here. Until I realized I was sleeping on a Jollyrancher pillow, which of course meant he wasn't here. He was still gone.

It's been a whole day. I'm starting to come off of this evil sadness. I'll be okay, eventually. It's not the end of the world. I just have to keep telling myself that. It's not the end. It's just the beginning. He'll be back. We'll be together again, soon. And even though I don't know exactly when, I have to know that it's soon. Sooner than later, anyway. Sooner, because time doesn't move backward. Sooner, because time is always moving forward. Always. It doesn't stop for anyone, ever. So every day I make it through is one day closer to being able to see him again.

I'll be alright.
Just bear with me for the next couple days.
I'm gonna need support.


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