I'm sick of not feeling like I'm good enough. I'm not gonna do it anymore. The people I think should be there for me and accept me as I am, end up making me feel inadequate and I'm done with it. Maybe I'm not good enough for your standards, but with that fucking attitude you definitely aren't fitting mine. I'm done.
Monday's suck. If I had my way, I'd still be sleeping right now.
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Now playing: The Matches - Papercut Skin
via FoxyTunes
6/13/09
Dogs were barking, and the wedding was about to start!
Quick update:
-The wedding was amazing. Everyone looked spectacular. I think I even looked decent. -GASP- (I know right?) Tricia's bridal attendant seemed okay, even though I personally didn't see very much of her. The maitre’d was a douche, and pretty much sucked at his job. But we got lots of pictures, and the weather actually cleared up so the ceremony could take place outside. The reception was great. Lots of dancing, and laughing, and drinks, and totally fun times. Trish and Ev looked SO adorable together. I actually did the Soulja Boy dance with Christopher... Hahahaa. imsowhite. But yeah. The night was good. I came home exhausted and unable to sleep because of how strong the coffee was at the reception.
-Had to wake up at the ass-crack of dawn this morning to go to Hi-Hello-Goodbye-Kitty. Mad tired. And after this, I'm headed to the Rock Lobster to work. Wooosh.
Um, yeah I have something else to say but I'm gonna keep it to myself. It's a good something. No worries. :)
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Now playing: Jeremih - Birthday Sex
via FoxyTunes
-The wedding was amazing. Everyone looked spectacular. I think I even looked decent. -GASP- (I know right?) Tricia's bridal attendant seemed okay, even though I personally didn't see very much of her. The maitre’d was a douche, and pretty much sucked at his job. But we got lots of pictures, and the weather actually cleared up so the ceremony could take place outside. The reception was great. Lots of dancing, and laughing, and drinks, and totally fun times. Trish and Ev looked SO adorable together. I actually did the Soulja Boy dance with Christopher... Hahahaa. imsowhite. But yeah. The night was good. I came home exhausted and unable to sleep because of how strong the coffee was at the reception.
-Had to wake up at the ass-crack of dawn this morning to go to Hi-Hello-Goodbye-Kitty. Mad tired. And after this, I'm headed to the Rock Lobster to work. Wooosh.
Um, yeah I have something else to say but I'm gonna keep it to myself. It's a good something. No worries. :)
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Now playing: Jeremih - Birthday Sex
via FoxyTunes
6/12/09
Oh, good.
Mom always get pissed at me for no reason, and then does the annoying passive agressive thing, and pretends I doesn't exist. Makes me feel REAL good about myself, when my mom won't even look at me. Of course, I'm going to apologize first because there's no other way. She won't. I HAVE TO.
Fuck this shit.
Today's the wedding.
Fuck this shit.
Today's the wedding.
6/10/09
Did you say it?
Saw "The Hangover" tonight. That movie was funny as fuck. "Can you please put some pants on? I feel weird having to ask you twice." Bahahaha.
ALSO! Spoke to Jeremie tonight for the first time in what seems like forever. I fucking missed that kid. I need to talk to him some more...
I thought I'd have more to write, but instead I keep watching this, and crying. So here, you watch it too.
Did you say it? I love you. I don't ever want to live without you. You changed my life. Did you say it? Make a plan, set a goal, work toward it, but every now and then look around. Drink it in, cause this is it. It might all be gone tomorrow.
ALSO! Spoke to Jeremie tonight for the first time in what seems like forever. I fucking missed that kid. I need to talk to him some more...
I thought I'd have more to write, but instead I keep watching this, and crying. So here, you watch it too.
Did you say it? I love you. I don't ever want to live without you. You changed my life. Did you say it? Make a plan, set a goal, work toward it, but every now and then look around. Drink it in, cause this is it. It might all be gone tomorrow.
♥
6/8/09
Too weird to live, to rare to die.
I think I'm depressed. And by think, I mean that I'm pretty damn sure I am. And that's not good for all the obvious reasons.
Something's missing in my life. And I'm not gonna pretend like I don't know what it is, because it has become very clear to me in the past few days what my problem is. I want to be wanted. I'm yearning for attention. I've got so much love to give, and no one to give it to. And everyone I think I should give it to, ends up not wanting it, or not being worth the effort. I keep getting screwed over, which sucks on it's own, but then when that happens, I go and do dumb things, like talk to people that I know I probably should stay away from. And then, again, I end up getting hurt -- only this time it's my fault. It's a vicious circle. This may sound stupid and whiney, but I just want to be loved. (Gah, I sound like a baby.) I know my family loves me, and I know my friends love me, and I'm so thankful for that because I don't know what I'd do without those people in my life... But at the same time, I want something else.
I'm done complaining.
Life could be way worse.
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Now playing: Flyleaf - Perfect
via FoxyTunes
I'm done complaining.
Life could be way worse.
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Now playing: Flyleaf - Perfect
via FoxyTunes
6/7/09
Just another freak in the freak kingdom...
I've been reading fear and loathing in las vegas basically all day. I'm a little addicted. Not sure why I felt an update was necessary but hey!
omfg it's hot as hell.
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Now playing: Mindless Self Indulgence - Bring the Pain
via FoxyTunes
omfg it's hot as hell.
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Now playing: Mindless Self Indulgence - Bring the Pain
via FoxyTunes
my arms are killing me. i've been reduced to sitting with ice packs on them.
of course my mom asks me to go to the grocery store with her, and i decline because i feel like crap, and she acts like she's disappointed in me. this is unacceptable for two reasons. firstly, how hard is it to go to the grocery store alone? secondly, how many times has she gotten out of doing something for me because she felt like crap? ugh. her reaction at me not wanting to go on the most pointless journey ever, was annoying. ugh.
i'm done bitching. tonight's Anthony's graduation party. i'll post pictures or something later, to make this thing interesting again. hahaha, i say that as if it was interesting in the first place. WHATEVER, i'm shutting up.
of course my mom asks me to go to the grocery store with her, and i decline because i feel like crap, and she acts like she's disappointed in me. this is unacceptable for two reasons. firstly, how hard is it to go to the grocery store alone? secondly, how many times has she gotten out of doing something for me because she felt like crap? ugh. her reaction at me not wanting to go on the most pointless journey ever, was annoying. ugh.
i'm done bitching. tonight's Anthony's graduation party. i'll post pictures or something later, to make this thing interesting again. hahaha, i say that as if it was interesting in the first place. WHATEVER, i'm shutting up.
6/3/09
Simulated Insomnia... No, wait. That's not right.
That is SO not right...
Sims 3 was released yesterday, and of course the rabid Sims freak I am... I bought it immediately. It took like all day to download, basically, because I'm an idiot and refused to restart my computer before I downloaded it. So the connection was weird for the first... 9 hours of downloading. Then when I got home from work, I decided to restart and see if it fixed the download problem. Wouldn't you know, an hour later I was playing? I'm really stupid sometimes. Haha.
The game is SICK though. The create a sim is more fun, and you can create any kind of person. The sims lifetime goal is now based on the characteristics you give your sim. Everything you can click on is customizable. Clothing, surfaces, linens -- all of it can be however you want it to be. The game play is impressive too. EA wasn't lying when they said it was seamless. You can go from your house, to the theater, then down to the beach, with literally NO loading time. And you can track your sims travels through town. I haven't began really working on the careers yet, but they look promising too. I should probably just say goodbye to my life now that I've got this game. Haha.
Now a letter to my arch rival...
Dear Insomnia,
WHY NOW?! Why would you pick now, of all times, to nestle your prickley self inbetween myself and Sleep? What did Sleep ever do to you? I'm sure nothing. And I'm also certain that maybe if you were more accepting of sleep, you wouldn't have such a bitter personality. Furthermore, what did I ever do to you? As far as I know, nothing. Please, let go of this grudge and LET ME SLEEP.
Thank you.
Love,
Lauren.
Now on a more serious note: People are mad dramatic. Cut the shit and let go of it. Everyone's got a side of the story to tell. You're preaching your side to the choir, you're not really listening to the other side. So just drop it. It's probably for the best anyway.
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Now playing: NeverShoutNever! - 30 Days
via FoxyTunes
Sims 3 was released yesterday, and of course the rabid Sims freak I am... I bought it immediately. It took like all day to download, basically, because I'm an idiot and refused to restart my computer before I downloaded it. So the connection was weird for the first... 9 hours of downloading. Then when I got home from work, I decided to restart and see if it fixed the download problem. Wouldn't you know, an hour later I was playing? I'm really stupid sometimes. Haha.
The game is SICK though. The create a sim is more fun, and you can create any kind of person. The sims lifetime goal is now based on the characteristics you give your sim. Everything you can click on is customizable. Clothing, surfaces, linens -- all of it can be however you want it to be. The game play is impressive too. EA wasn't lying when they said it was seamless. You can go from your house, to the theater, then down to the beach, with literally NO loading time. And you can track your sims travels through town. I haven't began really working on the careers yet, but they look promising too. I should probably just say goodbye to my life now that I've got this game. Haha.
Now a letter to my arch rival...
Dear Insomnia,
WHY NOW?! Why would you pick now, of all times, to nestle your prickley self inbetween myself and Sleep? What did Sleep ever do to you? I'm sure nothing. And I'm also certain that maybe if you were more accepting of sleep, you wouldn't have such a bitter personality. Furthermore, what did I ever do to you? As far as I know, nothing. Please, let go of this grudge and LET ME SLEEP.
Thank you.
Love,
Lauren.
Now on a more serious note: People are mad dramatic. Cut the shit and let go of it. Everyone's got a side of the story to tell. You're preaching your side to the choir, you're not really listening to the other side. So just drop it. It's probably for the best anyway.
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Now playing: NeverShoutNever! - 30 Days
via FoxyTunes
6/1/09
E=MC Vagina.
Been a while!!!
Update on the past week:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jvjDr8KKtsE
Update on the past week:
- Florida was absolutely amazing. Basically no drama. Insane amounts of sun and fun. I couldn't pick a better group of people to go with. It definitely made the five of us that much closer. :D
- Came home to two days of really shitty weather. I was MISERABLE. I just wanted the warmth, and sun. But nooooooo. I was all set to either jump off my roof, or buy my way back to Florida. Haha. I survived it though!
- Got my grade for American History..... IT WAS AN A!!!! I was so effing happy, I almost cried. I know, that sounds really stupid, but I almost did. I def. thought I was gonna end up getting a C or D or something. But heyy. An A works a hell of a lot better.
- Best part of this whole school thing? My GPA blasted up from a 2.94 to a 3.58. FUCK YEAH. As of right now, I could apply to Stonybrook and get in. Hells yes. :D
- Trish and Evans wedding is nearer and nearer. STILL havent seen my top for the dress. -shrug- Soon enough, I guess. I just hope the alterations are done in time.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jvjDr8KKtsE
5/20/09
Who's that fuckin nekkid cook, fixin three course meals??
People amuse me with how stupid and ignorant they can be. It makes me laugh really, really hard. At the same time though, it scares me a bit. Those stupid ignorant people are allowed to reproduce. That, my friends, is a frightening thought on it's own. What's also scary is that these stupid ignorant people often find themselves in positions of power. I'm baffled as to how that happens, but you know what? It's not my job to understand the world. I'll just have solace in the fact that I choose to associate myself with intelligent people. At the very least, semi-intelligent people. Haha, I'm kidding. If I thought you were stupid, I would not talk to or hang out with you. :]
SO! Um, Florida is TOMORROW! I'm excited. Like, soooo excited. Mikey, Anthony, Kristen and I are leaving for the airport right after work tomorrow at around 6. Our flight is at 9:30ish, and we'll be in Florida by 12:30 am on Friday. Chris is coming down Friday night because he has a test on Friday. I am SO pumped. My goal in Florida is to get the closest I can to as tan as I would like to be. Not Annie-tan, but definitely "I'm not a corpse"-tan. We are going to have the BEST time ever. No drama. Just laughs and a lot of good memories.
Tricia and Evan's wedding is soon. I'm also excited for that. Yeah, I know, weird. Lauren is an alien. Excited to wear a dress? Really? (Scary how I know what you're thinking, right? Nah, it's because I was thinking it myself.) But I am so exited to wear a dress and get all pretty and celebrate the wedding. It's gonna be a good time. :)
I'm a lot more girly lately. I don't mind it either, I rather enjoy it. It's more fun than anything else. I'm also a lot more happy lately. I don't know whats causing the happiness... but I'm definitely loving it. Life seems so much more... enjoyable. I guess that's the whole point.
I'm thinking that turning 20 did some good for me. I care less about stupid things and more about things that matter. I'm also doing a lot more to make myself happy. I'm not worried about everyone else anymore. Forget that. I'll worry about those who care enough to worry about me. And we'll be so happy, we won't need to worry about eachother at all. It'll be all smiles and good times.
Anyway!!! I got my grades for four classes, I'm still waiting on my History grade... Big surprise. But I got a B+ in Sign Language and Child Development, and I got an A in both English and my Criminal Behavior classes. :D
Happy happy joy joy.
I'll write again when I get my grade for history, or when I get back from Florida.
Which ever happens first...
<3
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Now playing: Ludacris - Roll Out
via FoxyTunes
SO! Um, Florida is TOMORROW! I'm excited. Like, soooo excited. Mikey, Anthony, Kristen and I are leaving for the airport right after work tomorrow at around 6. Our flight is at 9:30ish, and we'll be in Florida by 12:30 am on Friday. Chris is coming down Friday night because he has a test on Friday. I am SO pumped. My goal in Florida is to get the closest I can to as tan as I would like to be. Not Annie-tan, but definitely "I'm not a corpse"-tan. We are going to have the BEST time ever. No drama. Just laughs and a lot of good memories.
Tricia and Evan's wedding is soon. I'm also excited for that. Yeah, I know, weird. Lauren is an alien. Excited to wear a dress? Really? (Scary how I know what you're thinking, right? Nah, it's because I was thinking it myself.) But I am so exited to wear a dress and get all pretty and celebrate the wedding. It's gonna be a good time. :)
I'm a lot more girly lately. I don't mind it either, I rather enjoy it. It's more fun than anything else. I'm also a lot more happy lately. I don't know whats causing the happiness... but I'm definitely loving it. Life seems so much more... enjoyable. I guess that's the whole point.
I'm thinking that turning 20 did some good for me. I care less about stupid things and more about things that matter. I'm also doing a lot more to make myself happy. I'm not worried about everyone else anymore. Forget that. I'll worry about those who care enough to worry about me. And we'll be so happy, we won't need to worry about eachother at all. It'll be all smiles and good times.
Anyway!!! I got my grades for four classes, I'm still waiting on my History grade... Big surprise. But I got a B+ in Sign Language and Child Development, and I got an A in both English and my Criminal Behavior classes. :D
Happy happy joy joy.
I'll write again when I get my grade for history, or when I get back from Florida.
Which ever happens first...
<3
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Now playing: Ludacris - Roll Out
via FoxyTunes
5/14/09
Today, I dreamt of a talking chinchilla.
In other news, I think I'm evaporating.
I want one of these.
I want one of these.
5/11/09
Everything Sucks.
It's the last week of classes and I am EXTREMELY stressed out. I feel like everything is coming at me from different directions, and I have no real way to be sure whether or not what I'm doing is right. Everything fucking sucks.
I just need this week to be over and for all the bullshit to just stop.
I just want to be happy.
This isn't working for me.
I really, really need that hug.
The Obligatory List of Bitch-and-Complain...
- I need a hug. :(
- I was sick a week ago, and yet I still have sick-symptoms. My nose periodically gets stuffed and/or drippy, and I cough like a monster. It may just be allergies, but I'm sick of being sick. And I'm sick of feeling sick.
- My Local History Report for American History is going to be the biggest piece of crap ever presented to a classroom, in the history of EVER... but at this point, I'm beyond caring. I'm surprised I actually finished everything I needed to get done.
- My ASL final is tomorrow, but I still have to show up to class on Friday. To sit there and do what? Nothing. Yes, friends... Lewis is wasting my time. Two semesters in a row. FML.
- Handing in my Othello paper tomorrow (a literary bullshit master piece) with the hopes that she'll grade it on the spot and then I'll be free from coming to class on Thursday. My luck? I'll be in class on Thursday.
- I have to do my American History Final Exam Paper on Thursday night. I don't want to do any more work for this stupid glorified historian "I'm not really a teacher" History Teaching Cuntrag.
- I have to teach myself a chunk of Child Development that I missed when I was out sick with the Swine Flu. Fuck.
- I'm majorly stressed with things outside of school. Everywhere I turn there's drama. Everyone wants something different from me.
- I haven't been sleeping well. Maybe on good night I'll get 4 hours of sleep. If I'm lucky. Which I'm usually not.
- Oh, and my body aches. Oh how it aches and aches...
I just need this week to be over and for all the bullshit to just stop.
I just want to be happy.
This isn't working for me.
I really, really need that hug.
5/10/09
STRESS. Dress. Mess. Less. MORE STRESS!
I'm just a kid with no ambitions, wouldn't come home for the world.
Sum 41 makes me happy.
I know that wanting what I want right now is stupid, and impractical. I know that wanting it may also hurt me. I'm aware that wanting what I want is a bit selfish, and that it isn't going to get me anywhere fast. I know all of this, and I don't care. I want it. I want to be happy. Is that so terrible?
Maybe for you...
Florida is in 11 days. Thank goodness. Schools done in like eight. I'll be done with basically everything by Wednesday afternoon. After that, all I have to do is show up and then take my Child Development final. I'm SO fucking stressed out. I just want it to all be over.
Right now, I should be doing MAD school work. Of course I'm just sitting here slacking. -sigh- Alright, I suck, I'm aware. I'm gonna go die under a pile of homework.
Sum 41 makes me happy.
I know that wanting what I want right now is stupid, and impractical. I know that wanting it may also hurt me. I'm aware that wanting what I want is a bit selfish, and that it isn't going to get me anywhere fast. I know all of this, and I don't care. I want it. I want to be happy. Is that so terrible?
Maybe for you...
Florida is in 11 days. Thank goodness. Schools done in like eight. I'll be done with basically everything by Wednesday afternoon. After that, all I have to do is show up and then take my Child Development final. I'm SO fucking stressed out. I just want it to all be over.
Right now, I should be doing MAD school work. Of course I'm just sitting here slacking. -sigh- Alright, I suck, I'm aware. I'm gonna go die under a pile of homework.
5/5/09
A few things.
This is adorable. I think Felicia posted this on myspace a long time ago, but I kept it because I thought it was exceptional.
This is what I feel like right now. Too much school-work to do, not enough time or desire to get it done. My life is one big ball of stress.
Isn't she cute? :)
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Now playing: Lily Allen - Everyone's At It
via FoxyTunes
5/3/09
Cause I'm gonna give it to you just like you need itttt.
Just a few things:
- I hate bitches.
- I'm doing that secret self-improvement thing again. Haha. We'll see if anyone actually notices this time.
- I'm really excited for Print Making next fall. Even though I'm like... 99% sure that half way through the semester I'm gonna have my art-student freak out and be like, "WHY THE FUCK AM I DOING THIS?!"
- I'm gonna be like... ridiculouslu busy for the next week or so. I fucking hate professors who wait to assign projects until the last possible minute, so that when I should be studying for tests, I'm instead doing a fucking stupid project. [end rant.]
- Florida is so soon. I can't believe it's already here. Just... wow.
- MY BIRTHDAY IS ON THURSDAY. -cries- I don't wanna be ooooold.
5/1/09
Sick be a Lauren.... tooooooniiiiiiiight!
I'm pretty sure Karma is a huge bitch. I was making Swine (Pork) Flu jokes and then... I get sick. So here I am, at home, on a Friday morning. I should be at school right now, absorbing as much information as I possibly can, on account of the fact that schools basically over next week... but no. I'm home. Sneezing and coughing and hacking and feeling so very uncomfortable. And I'm quite certain I'll remain home all day and all night, and probably all of tomorrow, because my life is a bitch and because this is what I get for making jokes about the Swine Flu. Hours upon hours of game shows and daytime talk. This might just be the most exciting 3 days of my entire life. -le sigh- Thanks Karma, it was cool kickin it with ya. I get the point. You can stop being a bitch now.
Oh! And I'm supposed to babysit tomorrow. Make some extra money. I'll probably end up giving that job to Kristen though, because I don't want to get the kid sick. Woe is me.
Life is pretty boring. I go to school, go to work, come home, and do homework. That's pretty much all I do. I can't wait until the 18th. At 12:15pm on the 18th of May, I will probably be RUNNING from the G building of Nassau, screaming something along the lines of FUCK THIS PLACE. It'll be glorious.
OH! I turn 20 soon. (May 7th, holla.) I'm on my farewell tour of the teenage years. It's a tad bit depressing. But hey! 365 days closer to 21. I want to do something with all of my friends for my birthday, but I'm not sure what I want to do. I have serious issues making decisions...
So yeah, time for me to get back into bed and continue being sick.
Fuck my life.
Oh! And I'm supposed to babysit tomorrow. Make some extra money. I'll probably end up giving that job to Kristen though, because I don't want to get the kid sick. Woe is me.
Life is pretty boring. I go to school, go to work, come home, and do homework. That's pretty much all I do. I can't wait until the 18th. At 12:15pm on the 18th of May, I will probably be RUNNING from the G building of Nassau, screaming something along the lines of FUCK THIS PLACE. It'll be glorious.
OH! I turn 20 soon. (May 7th, holla.) I'm on my farewell tour of the teenage years. It's a tad bit depressing. But hey! 365 days closer to 21. I want to do something with all of my friends for my birthday, but I'm not sure what I want to do. I have serious issues making decisions...
So yeah, time for me to get back into bed and continue being sick.
Fuck my life.
4/27/09
Bookworm.
I have two tests today that I neglected to study for all week. Two tests, that I could have spent all day yesterday studying for. Two tests that I might very well FAIL now, because I didn't study at all.
Dumb-Lauren decided she would have rather read "19 Minutes" -- all bagillion pages of it -- in a day, than study. I hate that the book was so addicting, and that ALL my pin-point sized attention span wanted yesterday was to find out what happened in the book...
And now, we'll see how much my brain really does retain from cramming, since I'll be studying all the way to school, and during the hour wait for Test 1 (Criminal Behavior). And then studying for Test 2 (Child Development) as soon as I'm done with the first test.
Fuck my life.
Dumb-Lauren decided she would have rather read "19 Minutes" -- all bagillion pages of it -- in a day, than study. I hate that the book was so addicting, and that ALL my pin-point sized attention span wanted yesterday was to find out what happened in the book...
And now, we'll see how much my brain really does retain from cramming, since I'll be studying all the way to school, and during the hour wait for Test 1 (Criminal Behavior). And then studying for Test 2 (Child Development) as soon as I'm done with the first test.
Fuck my life.
4/24/09
Fear.
What's your greatest fear? Clowns? Spiders? Heights? Falling? Drowning? Fires? Murders?
Death? Destruction? Being lost? Going deaf? Going blind?
My greatest fear is losing you.
The rest, I could deal with. Easily.
I just can't imagine my life without you in it.
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Now playing: Snow Patrol - Open Your Eyes
via FoxyTunes
Death? Destruction? Being lost? Going deaf? Going blind?
My greatest fear is losing you.
The rest, I could deal with. Easily.
I just can't imagine my life without you in it.
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Now playing: Snow Patrol - Open Your Eyes
via FoxyTunes
4/23/09
Phoenix.
I think we all have the potential to be phoenixes in life, metaphorically of course. We are all fiery, and strong willed; or we have the capacity to be. And when we're hurt by an enemy, or worse... a loved one, we burst into a flame of emotion and hurt. The flames will dissipate eventually, and from the ashes of what we once were... we are re-born. Stronger, wiser, and more capable of surviving in this world. We are anew.
We all have this phoenix in us. At least I know I do.
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Now playing: Atreyu - Epic
via FoxyTunes
We all have this phoenix in us. At least I know I do.
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Now playing: Atreyu - Epic
via FoxyTunes
4/19/09
Angry.
I'm pissed. I open up to the one person I thought I could trust. The one person who I figured wouldn't ever abandon me... And what happens? I get jack shit from it. If at all possible, I feel worse than I did to begin with.
It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have a history with the person. If I hadn't been there for this person, and listened to them when they had a bunch of shit going on. It would be a completely different fucking story.
I'm fed up, angry, and I feel used.
Honestly, what the fuck am I supposed to think?
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Now playing: Sia - Sunday
via FoxyTunes
It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have a history with the person. If I hadn't been there for this person, and listened to them when they had a bunch of shit going on. It would be a completely different fucking story.
I'm fed up, angry, and I feel used.
Honestly, what the fuck am I supposed to think?
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Now playing: Sia - Sunday
via FoxyTunes
4/18/09
Warning! Warning! Warning! Cabin pressure exceeding limits. GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN!
I am swamped and completely unmotivated. The Boys and Girls Club DramaKids production is a week from today, and while I'm excited for it to happen, I'm equally excited for it to be over. I just have too much shit to do...
Stress In Bullet Form
- FAFSA for 09-10 -- which means nothing other than going onto the website and applying, but the process is SO long and arduous and unappealing. Besides, the other stuff I have to do is more important. This can wait, kinda.
- Register for Fall 09 classes. BOOO. This is my last semester at turnpike tech, I don't give a flying fuck dude. I'm outtie after this, I'll transfer to the highest bidder.
- 10 page criminal profile on the Serial Killer/Mass Murderer/Spree Murderder/Criminal Psychotic of my choice. This is proving difficult though, because the Glen Cove Public Library doesn't have any books on the people that I want to do my report on. Ugh. -headdesk-
- HUGE ASS report on Oyster Bay for my crack head American History teacher. It's like 10 powerpoint slides, about the history of Oyster Bay -- precolombian contact til 18--something. Idk. I don't want to do it.
- I have an ASL paper to due on a book that I don't own.
- An english paper due on Othello.
- One more retarded History paper due.
- And soooooo many tests to study for.
Ugh, can you say Fuck My Life? I can! ...Clearly I don't care though because I'm just going about my life as usual. Haha.
Oh, and what's this about this concert goin on at Nassau on tuesday? Shwayze and Tyga? Oh boy. Hahaha... We'll see about that.
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Now playing: Lil Wayne - Prom Queen
via FoxyTunes
Oh, and what's this about this concert goin on at Nassau on tuesday? Shwayze and Tyga? Oh boy. Hahaha... We'll see about that.
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Now playing: Lil Wayne - Prom Queen
via FoxyTunes
4/7/09
Car Porn, Procrastination Station, R.E.M. Racket, and Cryptic Messages! READ ON!!!
I saw Fast And Furious tonight. The plot wasn't terribly fascinating, but if you're looking for SICK special effects...? GO SEE THIS MOVIE, now. Don't wait. Go! Quickly! Into the night, you must ride! The review I read about it this morning said it was basically porn for car-people. I'm not a car person, and that movie (plot excluded) was pretty damn good. I wonder how many car enthusiasts came in their pants while they watched this movie... Oh god, bad thought! MOVING RIGHT ALONG!
I might have enjoyed the movie more if I hadn't almost given myself a heart attack during the movie. Midway through, I realized I have SO MUCH homework to do before Wednesday of next week. A paper for American History which is basically impossible to bullshit, and an essay for English which i COULD bullshit, but since I have A's on both of my other papers -- I actually want to keep the trend going. Maybe pull an A for the entire semester. Hmm? That'd be nice. Now aside from that I also have to start SERIOUSLY considering serial killers for my Criminal Profile paper, which has to be a whopping 10 --YES, TEN!-- pages long. Doesn't seem like a lot of work, but considering my level of procrastination experience... I'm going to end up finding every excuse I can pull out of thin air to NOT do the papers on time. I know I will.
Jeremie keeps waking me up at like 6 am with text messages every morning. Not only does he text me and wake me up, but I'm always in the middle of a really nice dream. GRR YOU JEREMIE!!!! I don't know what the meaning of this is, but I never respond to texts people send me while I'm asleep. It's on principle alone. You could be Joseph Gordon Levit, you could be Mike Comrie, James Marsden, Ryan Reynolds, Rupert Grint, or even fucking KURT COBAIN... Don't fucking disturb me when you know I'm sleeping. (Let me just state for the record, that if any one of those people wants to disturb me while I'm sleeping, I implore them to do it. I was simply trying to make a point.)
So we're on "Spring Break" from Nassau. Honestly, 5 days isn't much of a break. I'd prefer 7 like Queens College gets, but don't even get me started on that. Anyway... typically I'm not particularly busy during my breaks. But this one? Holy shit. Every day is busy busy busy. I like it, don't get me wrong, but I am SO damn tired.
I got my hair dyed today. It's a reddish brown with dark RED highlights. It looks SOOOO awesome. I'm so proud of my hair finally pulling through and being awesome like I knew it could. =] Hahahaaha, I'm trippin, ignore that cocky statement.
EXTRA, EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT!:
The war of Head vs. Heart is nearing the end. Hearts troops are diminishing at an alarming rate because of the help that Head is recieving from foreign troops. We all know that Head is the super power between the two fighting peoples, but sometimes... sometimes Heart comes out of nowhere with a suprise win. We'll have to see how this goes.
IN OTHER NEWS!:
I'm an alien. Bwaaaaargh. Goodnight.
~Laur.
I might have enjoyed the movie more if I hadn't almost given myself a heart attack during the movie. Midway through, I realized I have SO MUCH homework to do before Wednesday of next week. A paper for American History which is basically impossible to bullshit, and an essay for English which i COULD bullshit, but since I have A's on both of my other papers -- I actually want to keep the trend going. Maybe pull an A for the entire semester. Hmm? That'd be nice. Now aside from that I also have to start SERIOUSLY considering serial killers for my Criminal Profile paper, which has to be a whopping 10 --YES, TEN!-- pages long. Doesn't seem like a lot of work, but considering my level of procrastination experience... I'm going to end up finding every excuse I can pull out of thin air to NOT do the papers on time. I know I will.
Jeremie keeps waking me up at like 6 am with text messages every morning. Not only does he text me and wake me up, but I'm always in the middle of a really nice dream. GRR YOU JEREMIE!!!! I don't know what the meaning of this is, but I never respond to texts people send me while I'm asleep. It's on principle alone. You could be Joseph Gordon Levit, you could be Mike Comrie, James Marsden, Ryan Reynolds, Rupert Grint, or even fucking KURT COBAIN... Don't fucking disturb me when you know I'm sleeping. (Let me just state for the record, that if any one of those people wants to disturb me while I'm sleeping, I implore them to do it. I was simply trying to make a point.)
So we're on "Spring Break" from Nassau. Honestly, 5 days isn't much of a break. I'd prefer 7 like Queens College gets, but don't even get me started on that. Anyway... typically I'm not particularly busy during my breaks. But this one? Holy shit. Every day is busy busy busy. I like it, don't get me wrong, but I am SO damn tired.
I got my hair dyed today. It's a reddish brown with dark RED highlights. It looks SOOOO awesome. I'm so proud of my hair finally pulling through and being awesome like I knew it could. =] Hahahaaha, I'm trippin, ignore that cocky statement.
EXTRA, EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT!:
The war of Head vs. Heart is nearing the end. Hearts troops are diminishing at an alarming rate because of the help that Head is recieving from foreign troops. We all know that Head is the super power between the two fighting peoples, but sometimes... sometimes Heart comes out of nowhere with a suprise win. We'll have to see how this goes.
IN OTHER NEWS!:
I'm an alien. Bwaaaaargh. Goodnight.
~Laur.
4/5/09
How the internet ruined our lives.
I was talking to Amanda about this the other day, but I figured I'd blog on it too, since it's a decent topic. I think I totally resent the day and age we live in. Technology rules everything. E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G! Everyone has a cell phone. Everyone has a computer at home. More and more people have laptops, which allow you to bring your computer EVERYWHERE with you. The companies are even making the laptops smaller and lighter, as to reduce the so very strenuous task of carrying the fucking thing from place to place. Everything is automated. People are getting lazy. No one meets in person anymore. Not with sites like myspace, facebook, myyearbook, friendster... Ad infinitum, ad nauseum. You get my point. And with this video chat thing we've got going on now? Skypeing, iChatting, and ooVoo-ing will eventually take over the idea of "meeting up and talking." Now the talking? THIS is the part that bugs me the most. People don't talk anymore. We text. Across country, across a building, across the room from eachother? Honestly people, what the fuck is going on? Get your ass up, build up some courage, and SAY what the fuck you're thinking. It's more convenient, maybe -- but our linguistic skills, as well as our grammar; are taking serious hits from this. "Facebook me!" has become the new way of saying "Call me!" People don't even introduce themselves to other people anymore! This is how far the digital-mindfuck goes. I notice at Nassau, that people who are simply trying to make friendly conversation with other people usually get "the look" (You know the one I'm talking about. The 'Oh my god, is this creeper really talking to me?'-look.) and then they get laughed about behind their backs. It's kind of (read: REALLY) fucked up. I know of a couple who met in a public place (le gasp!) and built their relationship up over a series of mid-day visits, meaningful conversations, and actual social interaction. Trouble is, that couple met somewhere around 10 years ago. No texting, less email, more face-to-face. And as for the state of their relationship? 10 years, still going strong.
...Look, I'm not saying I'm above the technology. In fact, I rely upon it as much as the next person. I mean, hello? I'm sitting here writing a blog for fucks sake. What I'm saying is that I hate technology for what it's made the world into. Sure, we've got excellent blackberry connections, but our social skills are shit. I long for a world like the 90's. Even the 80's. Any time before technology came in like Godzilla and destroyed all the old traditions under it's huge, over prices, mp3 enhanced sneakers.
I've spoken my peace.
-L
...Look, I'm not saying I'm above the technology. In fact, I rely upon it as much as the next person. I mean, hello? I'm sitting here writing a blog for fucks sake. What I'm saying is that I hate technology for what it's made the world into. Sure, we've got excellent blackberry connections, but our social skills are shit. I long for a world like the 90's. Even the 80's. Any time before technology came in like Godzilla and destroyed all the old traditions under it's huge, over prices, mp3 enhanced sneakers.
I've spoken my peace.
-L
4/4/09
this is what it sounds like when doves cry.
i can't see myself lasting much longer.
i've developed a tolerance to the pain, but the buzzing in my head, the constant "what if"... that i'm never going to get used to.
i've developed a tolerance to the pain, but the buzzing in my head, the constant "what if"... that i'm never going to get used to.
3/28/09
Wakka wakka wakka
I have this terrible habit of saying that I'll post things in later entries, but then never actually posting them. Silly Laur, I should stop that. First off, let me tell you about that dream I alluded to, last entry.
It's a little hazy now that I'm actually writing about it, but I had a dream that everyone I work with (excluding Ed) and with the addition of some other people (Dillon, Chris, Liz) lived in a huge house together. It was some sort of school, but only for the 15 of us to learn. No learning occured in the dream, but I recall being MADLY in love with someone in the house. I'm not disclosing who it was, but it was completely random and completely stupid and completely never gonna happen. Hahaha. Anyway, the whole house went to this movie theater, turned concert hall, which was also a diner (The dream was weird, I'm telling you.) and the person I was "in love with" tells me he doesn't love me, and instead loves someone else. I freak out, but decide I'll be okay. I'm walking around the gift shop and I see this person pass me and I go into like clinger mode and try and get him back. It works, weirdly, because those things never work -- and then all of a sudden he's the clinger, hanging all over me. And I like freak out and try and get him to leave me alone. Then the concert started and everything settled down. Aside from my own convoluted part in this -- random people, people who wouldn't give each other a second glance IRL, were like hooking up, becoming close, fighting with each other through out the entire dream. SO EFFING WEIRD.
The dream itself makes me laugh really hard. But it was weird. Oh, it was so weird.
Last night I drank a 24 oz Monster. This occured at around... 11:30 pm? I DIDN'T SLEEP UNTIL DAMN NEAR 5 IN THE MORNING. I implore you... If you value your sanity... Or at the very least, your health; you won't drink 24 ounces of Monster or any energy drink for that matter. I made plans for a space ship to the mood. Began drawing up designs for the ship. Assigned a co-captain (Cory) and my crew (Kristen, Anthony, Mikey, and Chris). I watched the Lisa Lampenelli comedy central and laughed harder than was necessary. I basically lost my mind. Haha. I was in a bad way.
No more Monsters for me. Well, we all know thats a lie. How about... no more Monsters for me... past 8 pm? Sounds better. Much, much better.
It's a little hazy now that I'm actually writing about it, but I had a dream that everyone I work with (excluding Ed) and with the addition of some other people (Dillon, Chris, Liz) lived in a huge house together. It was some sort of school, but only for the 15 of us to learn. No learning occured in the dream, but I recall being MADLY in love with someone in the house. I'm not disclosing who it was, but it was completely random and completely stupid and completely never gonna happen. Hahaha. Anyway, the whole house went to this movie theater, turned concert hall, which was also a diner (The dream was weird, I'm telling you.) and the person I was "in love with" tells me he doesn't love me, and instead loves someone else. I freak out, but decide I'll be okay. I'm walking around the gift shop and I see this person pass me and I go into like clinger mode and try and get him back. It works, weirdly, because those things never work -- and then all of a sudden he's the clinger, hanging all over me. And I like freak out and try and get him to leave me alone. Then the concert started and everything settled down. Aside from my own convoluted part in this -- random people, people who wouldn't give each other a second glance IRL, were like hooking up, becoming close, fighting with each other through out the entire dream. SO EFFING WEIRD.
The dream itself makes me laugh really hard. But it was weird. Oh, it was so weird.
Last night I drank a 24 oz Monster. This occured at around... 11:30 pm? I DIDN'T SLEEP UNTIL DAMN NEAR 5 IN THE MORNING. I implore you... If you value your sanity... Or at the very least, your health; you won't drink 24 ounces of Monster or any energy drink for that matter. I made plans for a space ship to the mood. Began drawing up designs for the ship. Assigned a co-captain (Cory) and my crew (Kristen, Anthony, Mikey, and Chris). I watched the Lisa Lampenelli comedy central and laughed harder than was necessary. I basically lost my mind. Haha. I was in a bad way.
No more Monsters for me. Well, we all know thats a lie. How about... no more Monsters for me... past 8 pm? Sounds better. Much, much better.
3/23/09
Why'd you make this level so hard?
i spent all day today with kristen, anthony, and mikey. lots of fun. i bought the Wicked book, and i'm excited to start reading it tomorrow. i don't feel like going to class, at all. but i have to. i can't miss a psych class, and i have a midterm thing tomorrow for criminal behavior.
i've been overdosing on hadouken! lately. it's basically all i listen to. it's swishy and clicky and fun. it keeps things light in my mind. which is always nice. i need light. in grey's anatomy terms, i'm what meredith would call, "dark and twisty." light is much needed, all the time.
in other news: i think im buying a new cellphone soon. like within the next week. gonna get a crackberry and join in the fun. im fucking DONE with my palm.
in other OTHER news: jeremie is done with bootcamp soon, which means he joins the rest of civilization again, soon. which is good, because i miss talking to him. the whole letter writing thing was kind of a flop, since im not sure he got my last letter. for whatever reason. i'll hear from him soon, though. i hope.
im going to bed. waking up tomorrow is gonna blow massive donkey wang.
oh, and i had the weirdest dream last night. i'll post it here tomorrow.
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Now playing: Team Genius - Illegal Donkey Kong Remix
via FoxyTunes
i've been overdosing on hadouken! lately. it's basically all i listen to. it's swishy and clicky and fun. it keeps things light in my mind. which is always nice. i need light. in grey's anatomy terms, i'm what meredith would call, "dark and twisty." light is much needed, all the time.
in other news: i think im buying a new cellphone soon. like within the next week. gonna get a crackberry and join in the fun. im fucking DONE with my palm.
in other OTHER news: jeremie is done with bootcamp soon, which means he joins the rest of civilization again, soon. which is good, because i miss talking to him. the whole letter writing thing was kind of a flop, since im not sure he got my last letter. for whatever reason. i'll hear from him soon, though. i hope.
im going to bed. waking up tomorrow is gonna blow massive donkey wang.
oh, and i had the weirdest dream last night. i'll post it here tomorrow.
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Now playing: Team Genius - Illegal Donkey Kong Remix
via FoxyTunes
3/22/09
This town really gets to me.
Lately, I'm noticing there is a lot of dark in my life. There are plenty of reasons for me to be miserable. There's plenty for me to complain about. There's plenty of reasons for me to just give up. I know the old me would have given up by now. The old me wouldn't have given it a second thought, and she would have just regressed to the me who spent all her free time sleeping and avoiding her life. But who I am now... she's got a light inside of her.
I know what you're thinking, "here comes Cornball Laur..." But I'm very serious. Lauren of today is a completely different person. I owe a great deal of that to the people in my life, right now. The people in my life bring me joy. Feeling 100% at ease around people... It's a nice feeling. I would not be able to deal with half the shit that's going on these days, without the friends I've got now. So thanks, guys. But, even though my friends are amazing... I can't give them all the credit. My own personal growth in the past year, even in the past 6 months; has been so great. I make me happy. I have my priorities in check. I do what I want to do, how I want to do it, and when I want to do it. I have a plan for my future. I know whats important. I'm living for ME.
I'm proud of myself.
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Now playing: Wheatus - Dark Side
via FoxyTunes
I know what you're thinking, "here comes Cornball Laur..." But I'm very serious. Lauren of today is a completely different person. I owe a great deal of that to the people in my life, right now. The people in my life bring me joy. Feeling 100% at ease around people... It's a nice feeling. I would not be able to deal with half the shit that's going on these days, without the friends I've got now. So thanks, guys. But, even though my friends are amazing... I can't give them all the credit. My own personal growth in the past year, even in the past 6 months; has been so great. I make me happy. I have my priorities in check. I do what I want to do, how I want to do it, and when I want to do it. I have a plan for my future. I know whats important. I'm living for ME.
I'm proud of myself.
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Now playing: Wheatus - Dark Side
via FoxyTunes
3/15/09
Don't let our last kiss be our last.
+ The past 4 days have been a blur of laughter, excitement, count downs, headaches, and birth control pills given to men. Of the male persuasion. Manly manly men-mans. HAHA.
+ I've been pleasant this week. Considering I should be PMSing like a mother fucker.
- My back hurts. Bad.
- I have to wake up tomorrow at 5 am.
+ Every day is one day closer to Florida. 67 days!
+ My house now has exercise equipment. I'll be doing that basically every day now.
- I have been getting headaches constantly. I'm thinking it's time to venture to the neurologist. FUCK.
+ I find myself more able to create now, than I was 3 weeks ago. My creative juices are flowing once again, and it's a relief.
+ I'm blessed with the most amazing friends ever.
- I'm SO ready for it to be Spring Break. ...We have 3 weeks left. Mother of Kurt. TOO MUCH TIME BETWEEN NOW AND THEN. Arrgh.
+ I've been listening to Miranda Cosgrove's CD. What the hell, I'm a big enough dork. I can't go back on this now. -dances like teeny bopping 12 year old-
I swear, I'll update for real-for real tomorrow or something. Right now I'm heading to bed.
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Now playing: Miranda Cosgrove - About You Now
via FoxyTunes
+ I've been pleasant this week. Considering I should be PMSing like a mother fucker.
- My back hurts. Bad.
- I have to wake up tomorrow at 5 am.
+ Every day is one day closer to Florida. 67 days!
+ My house now has exercise equipment. I'll be doing that basically every day now.
- I have been getting headaches constantly. I'm thinking it's time to venture to the neurologist. FUCK.
+ I find myself more able to create now, than I was 3 weeks ago. My creative juices are flowing once again, and it's a relief.
+ I'm blessed with the most amazing friends ever.
- I'm SO ready for it to be Spring Break. ...We have 3 weeks left. Mother of Kurt. TOO MUCH TIME BETWEEN NOW AND THEN. Arrgh.
+ I've been listening to Miranda Cosgrove's CD. What the hell, I'm a big enough dork. I can't go back on this now. -dances like teeny bopping 12 year old-
I swear, I'll update for real-for real tomorrow or something. Right now I'm heading to bed.
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Now playing: Miranda Cosgrove - About You Now
via FoxyTunes
3/8/09
Lauren Returns!
Short update for today.
+ Booked for a SICK trip to Florida with some of my favorite people. (Kristen, Anthony, Mikey, Chris, and Liz.)
- Trip is VERY far from now. 74 days!
+ Finally got my haircut. It's ballin'.
- I have two tests tomorrow, and I can't bring myself to study for them. -sigh-
--- I have to write a paper on a book I never read tomorrow night. -ultra sigh-
I'll post something meaningful tomorrow. Until then, here's something interesting for you to look at so you get to know me better. I stole the idea from my girl Kat Dennings. (Lulz, I wish. If her and I ever meet, we'll be instant BFF. But that's another blog for another day.) Might I add how shitty MS Paint is? Oh, wait. You have pulse. You knew that, didn't you?
Ta-ta for now.
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Now playing: Backstreet Boys - Dont Want You Back
via FoxyTunes
+ Booked for a SICK trip to Florida with some of my favorite people. (Kristen, Anthony, Mikey, Chris, and Liz.)
- Trip is VERY far from now. 74 days!
+ Finally got my haircut. It's ballin'.
- I have two tests tomorrow, and I can't bring myself to study for them. -sigh-
--- I have to write a paper on a book I never read tomorrow night. -ultra sigh-
I'll post something meaningful tomorrow. Until then, here's something interesting for you to look at so you get to know me better. I stole the idea from my girl Kat Dennings. (Lulz, I wish. If her and I ever meet, we'll be instant BFF. But that's another blog for another day.) Might I add how shitty MS Paint is? Oh, wait. You have pulse. You knew that, didn't you?
Ta-ta for now.
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Now playing: Backstreet Boys - Dont Want You Back
via FoxyTunes
2/27/09
LAUREN HAS THE PLAGUE.
I'm going to complain for a bit before I go to class... I am absolutely exhausted right now. I'm sitting in the library computer lab, and it's hot in here. If I look at all how I feel right now, I probably look like complete shit. It's pretty rough. My nose is runny. I can't really breathe. My back is bothering me. My head feels congested. And did I mention being exhausted? I'm so siiiiiick.
Fuck my life.
Fuck my life.
2/24/09
Fogell's Birthday, Snarky-ism, and the Pancake Day fiasco.
Last night was Anthony's birthday celebration. It was a good time. Our "crew" went to the Cheesecake Factory and as usually was rowdy and obnoxious and obviously the most fun in the entire restaurant. Mikey bought Anthony a McLovin' poster -- with C. Mintz-Plasse holding the Hawaii ID... I almost peed my pants when I saw it. We switched the Happy Birthday song around, and made the waiters sing to and ultimately embarass Dillon. I mean Taylor. Jew? Whoever the fuck. Haha. Afterward we went to Dave and Busters and played some arcade games. A bunch of us, actually all of us except the birthday boy; played the Trivia game. I won a round, and lost 2 to Mikey -- which I'm still sore about. Haha. Oh wells. By the end of the night I was bitching to go home, because the night before I had gotten absolutely no sleep and needed to go home to crawl into my bed and die.
I ended up not going to school, not strictly because of apathy, but because I knew last night that when my alarm went off at 6 o'clock today, it was going to take the jaws of life to pry me from my bed. So I didn't even bother setting my alarm clock. How's that for cutting out the middle-man? I slept until an ungodly 10 o'clock. It was glorious.
Today was free pancake day at iHop. (I don't know why I felt the need to do the Apple "iShit" thing for the International House Of Pancakes -- or Porn? or Perfection? Pancake Porn Perfection! AH-HAH! Got it.) Apparently, it's Fat Tuesday. Which somehow is a religious holiday or some shit? Anyway, for Fat Tuesday my family always eats pancakes for dinner. I don't know how this tradition got started up. (I've decided on starting my own religious holiday. It's called Pancake Day. It falls on Fat Tuesday every year and you eat pancakes and enjoy life.) Anyhoodles, apparently the rest of the free world is hip to our Pancake Day tradition (it'll catch on, I swear) and everyone and their mothers (and those mothers smelly poodles) felt the need to RUN to the nearest iHop and therefore steal all the parking spots away from us FAITHFUL Pancake Day celebrators. I was very offended. We decided to go to On The Border, instead. I got some tacos. They were pretty tasty, but there's still a pancake shaped hole in my tummy, waiting for the perfect short-stack to come and fill it. Pancake Day has been post-poned until further notice. (I'm thinking next Tuesday.)
Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday. This is my favorite bullshit occurance in the Catholic church. Everyone goes to church and recieves their ashes. Some old dude takes ashes from a Palm plant that was burned forever ago, and draws a cross on your forehead with them. Sweet! Where do I sign up?! It gets better though! After you get drawn on, you're supposed to promise to You Know Who that you're going to give something up for 40 days. Something you enjoy. Something that actually brings you joy in this pathetic shit-pit that we exist in. Most decide on Chocolate. We celebrate this. PEOPLE ACTUALLY CELEBRATE GIVING UP FUN STUFF.
I'm starting my own religion. Snarky-ism. It'll be a direct parody of all the religious bullshit I detest. We'll celebrate legit holidays like Kurt Cobain's birthday, Halloween, and most importantly of all: Pancake Day. Oh, and I'm adding another holiday to the list: Glitter Wednesday. Come to me on this particular Wednesday and tell me why you think you're awesome. And I'll put some Glitter on your forehead. But before you get your glitter, you've got to pick your absolute favorite thing to eat or do, and promise that you'll do it as often as possible in 40 days. (Yes, guys, masterbation does count!)
Snarky-ism is going to be the shit.
You'll think so too.
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Now playing: Hadouken! - Leap Of Faith
via FoxyTunes
I ended up not going to school, not strictly because of apathy, but because I knew last night that when my alarm went off at 6 o'clock today, it was going to take the jaws of life to pry me from my bed. So I didn't even bother setting my alarm clock. How's that for cutting out the middle-man? I slept until an ungodly 10 o'clock. It was glorious.
Today was free pancake day at iHop. (I don't know why I felt the need to do the Apple "iShit" thing for the International House Of Pancakes -- or Porn? or Perfection? Pancake Porn Perfection! AH-HAH! Got it.) Apparently, it's Fat Tuesday. Which somehow is a religious holiday or some shit? Anyway, for Fat Tuesday my family always eats pancakes for dinner. I don't know how this tradition got started up. (I've decided on starting my own religious holiday. It's called Pancake Day. It falls on Fat Tuesday every year and you eat pancakes and enjoy life.) Anyhoodles, apparently the rest of the free world is hip to our Pancake Day tradition (it'll catch on, I swear) and everyone and their mothers (and those mothers smelly poodles) felt the need to RUN to the nearest iHop and therefore steal all the parking spots away from us FAITHFUL Pancake Day celebrators. I was very offended. We decided to go to On The Border, instead. I got some tacos. They were pretty tasty, but there's still a pancake shaped hole in my tummy, waiting for the perfect short-stack to come and fill it. Pancake Day has been post-poned until further notice. (I'm thinking next Tuesday.)
Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday. This is my favorite bullshit occurance in the Catholic church. Everyone goes to church and recieves their ashes. Some old dude takes ashes from a Palm plant that was burned forever ago, and draws a cross on your forehead with them. Sweet! Where do I sign up?! It gets better though! After you get drawn on, you're supposed to promise to You Know Who that you're going to give something up for 40 days. Something you enjoy. Something that actually brings you joy in this pathetic shit-pit that we exist in. Most decide on Chocolate. We celebrate this. PEOPLE ACTUALLY CELEBRATE GIVING UP FUN STUFF.
I'm starting my own religion. Snarky-ism. It'll be a direct parody of all the religious bullshit I detest. We'll celebrate legit holidays like Kurt Cobain's birthday, Halloween, and most importantly of all: Pancake Day. Oh, and I'm adding another holiday to the list: Glitter Wednesday. Come to me on this particular Wednesday and tell me why you think you're awesome. And I'll put some Glitter on your forehead. But before you get your glitter, you've got to pick your absolute favorite thing to eat or do, and promise that you'll do it as often as possible in 40 days. (Yes, guys, masterbation does count!)
Snarky-ism is going to be the shit.
You'll think so too.
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Now playing: Hadouken! - Leap Of Faith
via FoxyTunes
2/22/09
Take the pain out of love and then love won't exist.
Random things:
- My ass is still sore from laser tag on Friday night. Whaaat the fuck.
+ I just pulled 3 army men out of my bag, obtained Friday at Q-Zar. Lauren is happy.
+ My hair wasn't too difficult to straighten tonight.
+ I just decorated a certain item, for a certain someone, and made myself laugh really hard in the process.
- I have to go to school tomorrow. Woe is me. How I detest Nassau Community College.
+ I had a pretty flippin sweet week off with all my homies. And I made some extra paper to boot. Haha.
+ Tomorrow is Anthonys birthday. This means one thing to me, and one thing only: Cheesecake Factory!! Okay, the one thing only was an exaggeration... but c'mon. It's cheesecake for Christ's sake.
- I thought I had kicked my dependency on soda. Then I massively relapsed today at the mall when I mistakenly bought a HUGE orange soda. -le sigh- The trials of life.
Life has been good to me lately. I don't have much to complain about. Well, nothing BIG, or serious to complain about. I'm still kind of stuck in one spot, but when am I not dealing with something unpleasant in this aspect of my life? Oh well, I'll live. I hope it's over soon, though.
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Now playing: The Academy Is... - Everything We Had
via FoxyTunes
- My ass is still sore from laser tag on Friday night. Whaaat the fuck.
+ I just pulled 3 army men out of my bag, obtained Friday at Q-Zar. Lauren is happy.
+ My hair wasn't too difficult to straighten tonight.
+ I just decorated a certain item, for a certain someone, and made myself laugh really hard in the process.
- I have to go to school tomorrow. Woe is me. How I detest Nassau Community College.
+ I had a pretty flippin sweet week off with all my homies. And I made some extra paper to boot. Haha.
+ Tomorrow is Anthonys birthday. This means one thing to me, and one thing only: Cheesecake Factory!! Okay, the one thing only was an exaggeration... but c'mon. It's cheesecake for Christ's sake.
- I thought I had kicked my dependency on soda. Then I massively relapsed today at the mall when I mistakenly bought a HUGE orange soda. -le sigh- The trials of life.
Life has been good to me lately. I don't have much to complain about. Well, nothing BIG, or serious to complain about. I'm still kind of stuck in one spot, but when am I not dealing with something unpleasant in this aspect of my life? Oh well, I'll live. I hope it's over soon, though.
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Now playing: The Academy Is... - Everything We Had
via FoxyTunes
2/18/09
Blah...
This week off has been interesting to say the least. Not much time to dwell on much of anything, and trust me, I've got plenty I could be dwelling on. I'm glad for the fact that I've got the friends that I do. It's a lot easier to not think about things with them around. Just lots of laughter, which I'm always game for. :)
I took an Enneagram test today, here are my results. I think they're spot-on, for the most part...
#4 - The Individualist.
"I am unique"
How to Get Along with Me
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Now playing: Ne-Yo - Mad
via FoxyTunes
I took an Enneagram test today, here are my results. I think they're spot-on, for the most part...
#4 - The Individualist.
"I am unique"
Romantics have sensitive feelings and are warm and perceptive.
How to Get Along with Me
- Give me plenty of compliments. They mean a lot to me.
- Be a supportive friend or partner. Help me to learn to love and value myself.
- Respect me for my special gifts of intuition and vision.
- Though I don't always want to be cheered up when I'm feeling melancholy, I sometimes like to have someone lighten me up a little.
- Don't tell me I'm too sensitive or that I'm overreacting!
What I Like About Being a FOUR
- my ability to find meaning in life and to experience feeling at a deep level
- my ability to establish warm connections with people
- admiring what is noble, truthful, and beautiful in life
- my creativity, intuition, and sense of humor
- being unique and being seen as unique by others
- having aesthetic sensibilities
- being able to easily pick up the feelings of people around me
What's Hard About Being a FOUR
- experiencing dark moods of emptiness and despair
- feelings of self-hatred and shame; believing I don't deserve to be loved
- feeling guilty when I disappoint people
- feeling hurt or attacked when someone misunderstands me
- expecting too much from myself and life
- fearing being abandoned
- obsessing over resentments
- longing for what I don't have
FOURs as Children Often
- have active imaginations: play creatively alone or organize playmates in original games
- are very sensitive
- feel that they don't fit in
- believe they are missing something that other people have
- attach themselves to idealized teachers, heroes, artists, etc.
- become anti-authoritarian or rebellious when criticized or not understood
- feel lonely or abandoned (perhaps as a result of a death or their parents' divorce)
- help their children become who they really are
- support their children's creativity and originality
- are good at helping their children get in touch with their feelings
- are sometimes overly critical or overly protective
- are usually very good with children if not too self-absorbed
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Now playing: Ne-Yo - Mad
via FoxyTunes
2/15/09
He's just not that into you.
Today was good. Didn't get much done, but fuck it. What do I REALLY need to get done anyway? Studying is pointless. My classes are a joke this semester.
I went with Tricia and the rest of the bridesmaids to go pick out bridesmaid dresses this morning. It wasn't as horrific as I thought it was going to be, seeing as I hate trying clothes on. I picked a really cute top, since we're doing separates for the dresses, and the skirt is a simple A-Line that flatters pretty much everyone who wears it. After we ordered our dresses, we all went to check out where the wedding is actually happening. Just to see it. OMG! It's so effing pretty there! And I was really excited because while we were upstairs talking to someone in the Fox Hollow offices, the bride came off the elevator. So I saw a bride! Which usually means good luck! Whee. I need all the stupid, superstitious luck I can get.
Shortly after I got home I went back out, this time to the mall with Sam and Momma-Dukes. This mall trip was uneventful, save for some social commentary that took place along side a lot of laughter at the expense of assholes. Sometimes chillin' with Mom is enjoyable.
Later tonight I went to the mall with Kristen. We got food, and talked for everr. It was really nice bonding, which I needed to do with someone. I'm totally glad it was her. Around 9:30ish we met up with Anthony, Mikey, the jew, and Megan and we all went to see He's Just Not That Into You. It sounds like it would be a sappy chick flick right? Well, you're half right. It was actually pretty entertaining. And of course, during the scene with the typical black people in it, everyone I'm with turns to look at me. "You need to get yo'self some ribs and some ice cream girl, cause you just got dumped!" Haha. It was pretty fun, and a really good movie. You can't help falling in love with Justin Long at the end of it. Also, watching Mikey and Fogell run down the up escalator after the movie let out was quite entertaining.
OH! And who can forget screaming at eachother through car windows while speeding down 107? Hahaha. Mikey is a Duck-Billed Niggapuss. Ahaha.
I needed a day like today.
I'm good, I promise.
City tomorrow with Kristen and Fogell. Whee~! Excitement!
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Now playing: Tyga Ft Lil Wayne & Gata - Exquisite
via FoxyTunes
I went with Tricia and the rest of the bridesmaids to go pick out bridesmaid dresses this morning. It wasn't as horrific as I thought it was going to be, seeing as I hate trying clothes on. I picked a really cute top, since we're doing separates for the dresses, and the skirt is a simple A-Line that flatters pretty much everyone who wears it. After we ordered our dresses, we all went to check out where the wedding is actually happening. Just to see it. OMG! It's so effing pretty there! And I was really excited because while we were upstairs talking to someone in the Fox Hollow offices, the bride came off the elevator. So I saw a bride! Which usually means good luck! Whee. I need all the stupid, superstitious luck I can get.
Shortly after I got home I went back out, this time to the mall with Sam and Momma-Dukes. This mall trip was uneventful, save for some social commentary that took place along side a lot of laughter at the expense of assholes. Sometimes chillin' with Mom is enjoyable.
Later tonight I went to the mall with Kristen. We got food, and talked for everr. It was really nice bonding, which I needed to do with someone. I'm totally glad it was her. Around 9:30ish we met up with Anthony, Mikey, the jew, and Megan and we all went to see He's Just Not That Into You. It sounds like it would be a sappy chick flick right? Well, you're half right. It was actually pretty entertaining. And of course, during the scene with the typical black people in it, everyone I'm with turns to look at me. "You need to get yo'self some ribs and some ice cream girl, cause you just got dumped!" Haha. It was pretty fun, and a really good movie. You can't help falling in love with Justin Long at the end of it. Also, watching Mikey and Fogell run down the up escalator after the movie let out was quite entertaining.
OH! And who can forget screaming at eachother through car windows while speeding down 107? Hahaha. Mikey is a Duck-Billed Niggapuss. Ahaha.
I needed a day like today.
I'm good, I promise.
City tomorrow with Kristen and Fogell. Whee~! Excitement!
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Now playing: Tyga Ft Lil Wayne & Gata - Exquisite
via FoxyTunes
2/13/09
Friday the 13th, huh? Fuck that shit.
I don't really know how to explain how I'm feeling right now. All I can say is that this is the worst I've felt since October. The worst I've felt since before everything started to make sense again. I know what was said, and I know what was meant; but right now, right this moment, I'm a little confused. Maybe I took it the wrong way. Maybe I was wrong about it. Maybe this is as bad as I thought it was.
I've had a dull, nagging headache all day. The kind that tells me that maybe it's not pressure in my head, but rather pressure in my brain that's making me feel like this. I don't make sense to you, and I don't care. I let my mind wander while I was waiting for my bus transfer this morning and almost threw up while I was standing there. I'm not really sure how I kept myself from heaving, but I did. I zombie-d my way through American History, and I think I even absorbed some of what she said. I think. All I remember is something about a llama. Fuck, I'm probably wrong. I got to ASL and I was okay. Animated even! :O I'm proud of myself for putting myself out there and sort-of talking to some new people. It's nice. Then I finally talked to Mario after class for about 2 seconds, stupid buses; and went on to zombie my way home. Not really paying attention to anyone or anything, which I realize now probably could have gotten me hit by a bus. Wonderful.
I went to work. I did my job. Enjoyed some time with the kids. Almost killed myself while watching The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian -- because no movie should ever be that fucking ridiculously epic and long. Then when all the kids left, I went outside for some fresh air and this time I actually did throw up a little. I brought myself inside, finished tossing my cookies and laid down on the couch. I wound up passing out for like 2 hours. Fucking wonderful. I came home when I woke up.
I'm not really sure of what to make of all this. I don't know what's going on. I don't know what to think. I don't know which way is up, down, or which direction I should be headed in. All I know is I'm kind of messed up right now, mainly because I'm so confused. And the only place that brings me any kind of comfort is my bed.
With that, I'm going to go sleep for an ungodly amount of time. Hopefully I'm given some kind of clarity within the next few days. Otherwise...?
Fuck.
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Now playing: Atreyu - Falling Down
via FoxyTunes
I've had a dull, nagging headache all day. The kind that tells me that maybe it's not pressure in my head, but rather pressure in my brain that's making me feel like this. I don't make sense to you, and I don't care. I let my mind wander while I was waiting for my bus transfer this morning and almost threw up while I was standing there. I'm not really sure how I kept myself from heaving, but I did. I zombie-d my way through American History, and I think I even absorbed some of what she said. I think. All I remember is something about a llama. Fuck, I'm probably wrong. I got to ASL and I was okay. Animated even! :O I'm proud of myself for putting myself out there and sort-of talking to some new people. It's nice. Then I finally talked to Mario after class for about 2 seconds, stupid buses; and went on to zombie my way home. Not really paying attention to anyone or anything, which I realize now probably could have gotten me hit by a bus. Wonderful.
I went to work. I did my job. Enjoyed some time with the kids. Almost killed myself while watching The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian -- because no movie should ever be that fucking ridiculously epic and long. Then when all the kids left, I went outside for some fresh air and this time I actually did throw up a little. I brought myself inside, finished tossing my cookies and laid down on the couch. I wound up passing out for like 2 hours. Fucking wonderful. I came home when I woke up.
I'm not really sure of what to make of all this. I don't know what's going on. I don't know what to think. I don't know which way is up, down, or which direction I should be headed in. All I know is I'm kind of messed up right now, mainly because I'm so confused. And the only place that brings me any kind of comfort is my bed.
With that, I'm going to go sleep for an ungodly amount of time. Hopefully I'm given some kind of clarity within the next few days. Otherwise...?
Fuck.
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Now playing: Atreyu - Falling Down
via FoxyTunes
2/9/09
I just had an epiphany.
It's way to early for me to write my actual blog on this subject, but I just had an epiphany.
DONT HOLD BACK. On anything.
I'll explain more later. I've gotta go catch a bus.
:EDIT:
Okay, it's now 6:41 pm and I now have time to write about my epiphany.
I don't really even know how it happened, honestly. I was getting ready for school in my usual half-assed manner. It was 6:30 and I had yet to change into my school clothes, and this song by The Sleeping started playing and they started repeating "Don't hold back, don't hold back tonight." And it kind of hit me like a brick. No one should ever hold back on anything. I'm like, You know what? You're right, Doug. No one should ever hold back. And I know, I'm taking this song completely out of context, because in reality he's singing about some girl letting happen whatever is gonna happen. But I mean even that can be applied to what I'm trying to say here. Don't worry... I'm getting to the point.
No one should ever have to hold back. Now, I mean NEVER. Don't hold back ANYTHING about who you are, what you like, what makes you tick, what you think about, what your opinion is... Don't let it all sit inside of you and rot. Don't let all that energy, all that emotion go to waste. Don't be afraid to show the world who you REALLY are. Don't be afraid to be weird. Embrace what makes you different. BE THE GOAT, DON'T BE THE SHEEP. (I really hope you all know what I mean by that...)
And don't hold back on what you want to do. So what if your parents think you should study a subject that you hate, so that ultimately you'll get a job in a field that you hate? Don't do it! Do what YOU want to do. Don't hold back on your dreams because you want to make other people happy. Also, don't hold back when you see someone interesting and want to strike up a conversation. Don't hold back when someone tells you that you don't have a snowball's chance in hell with the person you love. Go for it! Do your damnedest to make that person see how worthwhile you are. And if they don't feel anything for you after all of that? It's their loss. Don't hold back in the hope you have for your love. If someone says that they think it won't work, fuck them and their opinion. Do for YOU, what you want to do.
Above all, LET IT GO. Let go of the pain, the hate, the anger, the malice, the negative emotions. Let it go, because harboring negative emotions will bring more and more negative emotions into your life. LET GO of your inhibitions. Don't be scared to go for your dreams. Shoot for the stars. It's not as hard as it seems, if you think positively.
Free your mind, and you'll fly.
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Now playing: The Sleeping - Don't Hold Back
via FoxyTunes
DONT HOLD BACK. On anything.
I'll explain more later. I've gotta go catch a bus.
:EDIT:
Okay, it's now 6:41 pm and I now have time to write about my epiphany.
I don't really even know how it happened, honestly. I was getting ready for school in my usual half-assed manner. It was 6:30 and I had yet to change into my school clothes, and this song by The Sleeping started playing and they started repeating "Don't hold back, don't hold back tonight." And it kind of hit me like a brick. No one should ever hold back on anything. I'm like, You know what? You're right, Doug. No one should ever hold back. And I know, I'm taking this song completely out of context, because in reality he's singing about some girl letting happen whatever is gonna happen. But I mean even that can be applied to what I'm trying to say here. Don't worry... I'm getting to the point.
No one should ever have to hold back. Now, I mean NEVER. Don't hold back ANYTHING about who you are, what you like, what makes you tick, what you think about, what your opinion is... Don't let it all sit inside of you and rot. Don't let all that energy, all that emotion go to waste. Don't be afraid to show the world who you REALLY are. Don't be afraid to be weird. Embrace what makes you different. BE THE GOAT, DON'T BE THE SHEEP. (I really hope you all know what I mean by that...)
And don't hold back on what you want to do. So what if your parents think you should study a subject that you hate, so that ultimately you'll get a job in a field that you hate? Don't do it! Do what YOU want to do. Don't hold back on your dreams because you want to make other people happy. Also, don't hold back when you see someone interesting and want to strike up a conversation. Don't hold back when someone tells you that you don't have a snowball's chance in hell with the person you love. Go for it! Do your damnedest to make that person see how worthwhile you are. And if they don't feel anything for you after all of that? It's their loss. Don't hold back in the hope you have for your love. If someone says that they think it won't work, fuck them and their opinion. Do for YOU, what you want to do.
Above all, LET IT GO. Let go of the pain, the hate, the anger, the malice, the negative emotions. Let it go, because harboring negative emotions will bring more and more negative emotions into your life. LET GO of your inhibitions. Don't be scared to go for your dreams. Shoot for the stars. It's not as hard as it seems, if you think positively.
Free your mind, and you'll fly.
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Now playing: The Sleeping - Don't Hold Back
via FoxyTunes
2/8/09
Mmbop! Mmbop! mmMOP! Wait, that's not right...
I'm not sure exactly whats going on with me right now, but here's an update.
+ I've made it this far in the semester with only missing ONE legit class. (On the day I was absent, so was my history teacher. -le gasp- No... I'm not suprised.) Hopefully I can keep this trend going and pry myself out of bed every day, so that my attendance records don't suck.
+ One week to go and we're in February break. That's a week off of school to do basically nothing, except maybe... MAYBE study. I'm not sure how I feel about that last part. I kinda failed with that resolution that I was gonna study.
+/- I went to Tri-County yesterday and got a peace sign necklace. I was really excited. I absolutely love it. I also went to Old Navy and bought brightly colored clothing. (Hoping the colors will help my moods.) And then I went to Tina's Luggage at Broadway Mall and bought a LeSportsac bag that should have been like 80 bucks and only paid like... 30 bucks on it. All in all, I spent too much money though... Which is why this is also a negative.
- I've got absolutely NO motivation to go to school in the morning. The only reason I actually get up and do anything anymore is because I'm still freaking out over the time/distance factor and I know that if I stay in bed and mope, time is going to move a lot slower. Getting up and doing things, no matter how monotonus they are, makes the time pass a lot easier.
- Plane tickets for April are so damn expensive. I'm gonna have to stop spending money altogether if I want to go to Missouri in April. And god damn it, I AM going to Missouri in April, come hell, highwater, radioactive pigs, vampire puppies, leeches, locusts, nuclear holocaust... Mother fucker, I'm going.
+ I had a really cool, extremely pleasant dream last night. When I woke up it made me feel like there might be some chance of me being normal. (I just threw this in to offset the negative count. I don't plan on describing the dream for anyone.)
- I'm feeling pretty useless today. Useless and a waste of time. Everyones got better things to do than talk to me and actually listen. Which is fine, because I know everyone has their own things to do. I just wish that maybe I wasn't always so quick to drop what I was doing to listen to other people.
I don't feel like finishing this entry. I have class in the morning from 8 until 12:15. Oh joy.
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Now playing: The Beatles - Helter Skelter
via FoxyTunes
+ I've made it this far in the semester with only missing ONE legit class. (On the day I was absent, so was my history teacher. -le gasp- No... I'm not suprised.) Hopefully I can keep this trend going and pry myself out of bed every day, so that my attendance records don't suck.
+ One week to go and we're in February break. That's a week off of school to do basically nothing, except maybe... MAYBE study. I'm not sure how I feel about that last part. I kinda failed with that resolution that I was gonna study.
+/- I went to Tri-County yesterday and got a peace sign necklace. I was really excited. I absolutely love it. I also went to Old Navy and bought brightly colored clothing. (Hoping the colors will help my moods.) And then I went to Tina's Luggage at Broadway Mall and bought a LeSportsac bag that should have been like 80 bucks and only paid like... 30 bucks on it. All in all, I spent too much money though... Which is why this is also a negative.
- I've got absolutely NO motivation to go to school in the morning. The only reason I actually get up and do anything anymore is because I'm still freaking out over the time/distance factor and I know that if I stay in bed and mope, time is going to move a lot slower. Getting up and doing things, no matter how monotonus they are, makes the time pass a lot easier.
- Plane tickets for April are so damn expensive. I'm gonna have to stop spending money altogether if I want to go to Missouri in April. And god damn it, I AM going to Missouri in April, come hell, highwater, radioactive pigs, vampire puppies, leeches, locusts, nuclear holocaust... Mother fucker, I'm going.
+ I had a really cool, extremely pleasant dream last night. When I woke up it made me feel like there might be some chance of me being normal. (I just threw this in to offset the negative count. I don't plan on describing the dream for anyone.)
- I'm feeling pretty useless today. Useless and a waste of time. Everyones got better things to do than talk to me and actually listen. Which is fine, because I know everyone has their own things to do. I just wish that maybe I wasn't always so quick to drop what I was doing to listen to other people.
I don't feel like finishing this entry. I have class in the morning from 8 until 12:15. Oh joy.
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Now playing: The Beatles - Helter Skelter
via FoxyTunes
2/3/09
That's right, yeah. I'm unstoppable.
Sometimes I wish I were braver than I actually am. I'd have the nerve to randomly introduce myself to people I don't know, just to make a few new friends. I also wish people wouldn't assume things about others. People are way too... closed minded. Eh, I guess that's the right way to say what I mean. They're not open to experiencing other peoples norms. They know what they know, and they think that it's all they need to know. And that's fine I guess, if you want to live under a rock named ignorance for your entire life. I just wish people weren't so snooty about other people and that they were more accepting.
Today was pretty bogus in terms of weather. Too much snow. Going to school was fine, but coming back was miserable and cold. I hatehatehate taking the bus in shitty weather. Though, I guess snow is preferable because it doesn't soak into your clothes like rain does. Oyy. Don't even get me started on rain.
I'm exhausted lately. Everything hurts. I can't sleep, I wake up too early, and by 2 pm I'm drained and falling asleep on Bus-Runs during work. I just have to make it through this week, and all of next week... and then I've got a week off. A week to sleep late and do basically nothing. I'm thrilled.
Oh, and I really hope I don't end up having class tomorrow, because the commute in the morning is going to be absolute DOODIE, considering the snowfall today. Here's hoping...
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Now playing: Hadouken! - The Prayer
via FoxyTunes
Today was pretty bogus in terms of weather. Too much snow. Going to school was fine, but coming back was miserable and cold. I hatehatehate taking the bus in shitty weather. Though, I guess snow is preferable because it doesn't soak into your clothes like rain does. Oyy. Don't even get me started on rain.
I'm exhausted lately. Everything hurts. I can't sleep, I wake up too early, and by 2 pm I'm drained and falling asleep on Bus-Runs during work. I just have to make it through this week, and all of next week... and then I've got a week off. A week to sleep late and do basically nothing. I'm thrilled.
Oh, and I really hope I don't end up having class tomorrow, because the commute in the morning is going to be absolute DOODIE, considering the snowfall today. Here's hoping...
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Now playing: Hadouken! - The Prayer
via FoxyTunes
1/31/09
Son of a bitch.
My headaches need to quit.
That's all I'm saying for now. I'll probably update tomorrow night after the superbowl party thing. Should be interesting.
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Now playing: Dr. Dre - Forgot About Dre
via FoxyTunes
That's all I'm saying for now. I'll probably update tomorrow night after the superbowl party thing. Should be interesting.
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Now playing: Dr. Dre - Forgot About Dre
via FoxyTunes
1/29/09
I know I'm not good enough... for you.
I should not be crying over something so stupid. But I'm insecure and need to be reminded daily that I'm loved, otherwise I start to forget that I'm good enough for someone. So here I am, miserable.
God damn it, get me the fuck out of here.
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Now playing: As Tall As Lions - Maybe I'm Just Tired
via FoxyTunes
God damn it, get me the fuck out of here.
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Now playing: As Tall As Lions - Maybe I'm Just Tired
via FoxyTunes
1/27/09
Random Thought.
I wonder... Who was the first person to turn the brim of their hat to the side? Who originated that trend? Whoever it is must feel pretty damn good about themselves. Every day bazillions (yeah, I'm making up words now) of people -- men, women, myself included -- bite off of the style of this fashion "pioneer". Assuming the person who started the trend is still alive, he must look at everyone with their hats to the side and think, "Damn, check my shit out, yo."
It's either that, or he realized that the American youth are a bunch of vile trend whores, and anything that's trendy? ...They'll eat that shit up. And right now, as we speak, this person is walking around the mall, looking at these dipshits with their hat brims off to the side, and laughing his ass off at this private joke he's got with himself.
It's either that, or he realized that the American youth are a bunch of vile trend whores, and anything that's trendy? ...They'll eat that shit up. And right now, as we speak, this person is walking around the mall, looking at these dipshits with their hat brims off to the side, and laughing his ass off at this private joke he's got with himself.
1/25/09
God damn, I'm fly. And my troop's so cool, I don't have to lie.
Today has been uneventful. I cleaned my room, finally. I tried moving some of the furniture around and it did not look the way I expected it to... So then I moved it all back. -sigh- I also filled out some forms for Nassau -- EXCITEMENT! And I actually vacuumed. I know you're wondering when Alien-Laur will give you back Normal-Laur.
Oh, and if you're observant AT ALL, you've noticed I changed the layout of this silly blogger page and made a new banner. Honestly, I didn't aim to do this, I was just procrastinating and figured photoshop was my best time-killing option. Either way, I like the way my new banner looks. All the random pictures. The squid is from a pair of my pants. The black and white is me obviously. I don't know when/why I took that picture. I think I was very tired and on the verge of a breakdown. Haha. Same with the Twilight Hour picture. I'm not sure how it came to be, but the Twilight Hour has to do with the silly movie/book craze. And the last one is a picture I took at Nassau with my old beloved camera. It's a random assortment of pictures, but I figure it gives you some sort of idea of who I am. A draws-on-her-pants, on-the-verge-of-breakdown, vampire-loving, community college student. Yeah, I need help. I'm aware.
And back to my old beloved camera... I'm telling the world right now, nothing beats that camera. I loved it, and I'm sad it's gone. Eventually, I'll buy it again and after doing so smite my current shit-tastic camera. ...Okay, I won't smite the poor thing (what a waste of technology) but I will not use it. Ever. ...Unless I manage to drunkenly ruin the new one again.
I thought I'd have a lot more to write than this. Oh well... I have an incredible back-ache after all that pushing and shoving furniture. Time for a movie and sleep.
Oh Kurt, I have a three hour psych class tomorrow. Fuuuck my life.
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Now playing: Paramore - We Are Broken
via FoxyTunes
Oh, and if you're observant AT ALL, you've noticed I changed the layout of this silly blogger page and made a new banner. Honestly, I didn't aim to do this, I was just procrastinating and figured photoshop was my best time-killing option. Either way, I like the way my new banner looks. All the random pictures. The squid is from a pair of my pants. The black and white is me obviously. I don't know when/why I took that picture. I think I was very tired and on the verge of a breakdown. Haha. Same with the Twilight Hour picture. I'm not sure how it came to be, but the Twilight Hour has to do with the silly movie/book craze. And the last one is a picture I took at Nassau with my old beloved camera. It's a random assortment of pictures, but I figure it gives you some sort of idea of who I am. A draws-on-her-pants, on-the-verge-of-breakdown, vampire-loving, community college student. Yeah, I need help. I'm aware.
And back to my old beloved camera... I'm telling the world right now, nothing beats that camera. I loved it, and I'm sad it's gone. Eventually, I'll buy it again and after doing so smite my current shit-tastic camera. ...Okay, I won't smite the poor thing (what a waste of technology) but I will not use it. Ever. ...Unless I manage to drunkenly ruin the new one again.
I thought I'd have a lot more to write than this. Oh well... I have an incredible back-ache after all that pushing and shoving furniture. Time for a movie and sleep.
Oh Kurt, I have a three hour psych class tomorrow. Fuuuck my life.
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Now playing: Paramore - We Are Broken
via FoxyTunes
1/23/09
An hour and fifteen minutes I'll never see again...
Holy mother of fuck. This woman is so god damned boring. American History is going to be the longest class... ever. SHOOT MEH. D:
-headdesk-
-headdesk-
-headdesk-
-headdesk-
-headdesk-
-headdesk-
-headdesk-
-headdesk-
1/22/09
Delivering a kick to the nuts of the Spring 09 Semester.
School started on Tuesday. On my list this semester: English 102, American Sign Language 2, Understanding Criminal Behavior, American History, and Child Development. I thought I made a mistake by only taking 5 classes, but considering the work load I'll have from these classes... 5 was most likely the better choice.
I haven't been to Child Development yet, because it's a 3 hour class that I have on Mondays only. All the teachers I've met so far seem nice, though. My American History professor seems kind of... rigid. She wants everything done a certain way. I mean, I understand that completely -- we're in college, it's to be expected -- however, I wish she would have been a little more clear on certain things. Also, it would have been nice to not have an 8 page syllabus to read through. Oh well. Such is life.
Today was stupid. I was creeped out by some weird guy at the bus stop. I got lunch before work with Amanda and Wei and it made me nauseous throughout the work day. I was not a happy camper. And then when I got home, every attempt I made to do my homework was interrupted. I even interrupted myself by realizing I had to go get a metrocard. Stupid Laur.
Aside from that, Cory has some stuff on his mind, and I feel bad because there's nothing I can do. It's excruciating to watch someone you love be miserable, and know that there isn't a damn thing you can do to help them out of their rut. I fucking hate it. I hate seeing him like this. I'd do anything for all of this shit to not be happening to him. -sigh-
I wish I had magic powers. I wish I could fly. I'd fly to Missouri, give Cory the biggest hug ever, and then use my magic to right all the wrongs in his life. Then, maybe, I wouldn't feel so useless.
...Go on, tell me: "Lauren, you're nuts."
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Now playing: Pixies - Where Is My Mind?
via FoxyTunes
I haven't been to Child Development yet, because it's a 3 hour class that I have on Mondays only. All the teachers I've met so far seem nice, though. My American History professor seems kind of... rigid. She wants everything done a certain way. I mean, I understand that completely -- we're in college, it's to be expected -- however, I wish she would have been a little more clear on certain things. Also, it would have been nice to not have an 8 page syllabus to read through. Oh well. Such is life.
Today was stupid. I was creeped out by some weird guy at the bus stop. I got lunch before work with Amanda and Wei and it made me nauseous throughout the work day. I was not a happy camper. And then when I got home, every attempt I made to do my homework was interrupted. I even interrupted myself by realizing I had to go get a metrocard. Stupid Laur.
Aside from that, Cory has some stuff on his mind, and I feel bad because there's nothing I can do. It's excruciating to watch someone you love be miserable, and know that there isn't a damn thing you can do to help them out of their rut. I fucking hate it. I hate seeing him like this. I'd do anything for all of this shit to not be happening to him. -sigh-
I wish I had magic powers. I wish I could fly. I'd fly to Missouri, give Cory the biggest hug ever, and then use my magic to right all the wrongs in his life. Then, maybe, I wouldn't feel so useless.
...Go on, tell me: "Lauren, you're nuts."
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Now playing: Pixies - Where Is My Mind?
via FoxyTunes
1/20/09
Missed. Dissed. Kissed. Pissed. Passed. Passing. Past. Present. Future. Time travel.
Some days are harder than others. Today just happens to be one of those days. One of those excruciatingly painful days. I fear sounding whiney and complainey and stupid and clingy and needy... But I just want to let everything out. I wonder if he even realizes how much this hurts me.
God damn it. I act as if he left me forever. I'm going to see him again. I am. It's just that I'm an impatient toddler. And I'm sorry, I can't help that. It's just something I do. I whine about what I want to happen, and babble incessantly about time machines and time travel and ways to speed up time and waste it so it moves faster. And then when I finally get what I want, I bitch about slowing it all down. The next time I see him, it will be amazing. And the wait, if anything, will make the experience that much greater.
I need to keep telling myself this.
...Some days are harder than others.
It's unnecessary for this song to relate to how I'm feeling so greatly.
God damn it. I act as if he left me forever. I'm going to see him again. I am. It's just that I'm an impatient toddler. And I'm sorry, I can't help that. It's just something I do. I whine about what I want to happen, and babble incessantly about time machines and time travel and ways to speed up time and waste it so it moves faster. And then when I finally get what I want, I bitch about slowing it all down. The next time I see him, it will be amazing. And the wait, if anything, will make the experience that much greater.
I need to keep telling myself this.
...Some days are harder than others.
It's unnecessary for this song to relate to how I'm feeling so greatly.
1/18/09
Tired. Wired. Weird. Werd. Nerd. Nerf. Narf. Poit.
Bonus points to whomever knows what cartoon the last two words come from.
I'm fucking exhausted, but I'm unable to fall asleep. I could go take some benodryl and chase it with some Nyquil, but I feel like waking up at a reasonable hour tomorrow morning. That combination would knock me out, definitely, but keep me comatose for way longer than I intend on sleeping.
School starts on Tuesday. Holy shit, dude. I'm excited about going back, just a little apprehensive about my American History class because Kristen isn't in it anymore due to the fact that Nassau Community College is run by a bunch of flamers. Everything else seems like it'll be enjoyable. I'm really looking forward to my criminal mind class. ASL 2 will be a breeze, I hope. English Comp is my strong point, so I should be good there -- and Child Development just sounds like it'll be interesting. This semester I have no reason to do poorly. The classes are fairly simple, and I plan on actually studying this semester. (Yeah, I'm still on that whole... waste as much time as humanly possible kick. Studying is a huge time waster. I'm down.) I'm gonna get my GPA up and get the FUCK out of Turnpike Tech.
I saw Notorious today with Kristen and Anthony. That movie... it was epic. Usually when I watch movies in theaters I get antsy and want to leave halfway through. Not even close here. I was actually surprised the movie ended as quickly as it did. (Which wasn't quick at all, it was 2 hours long.) The acting was amazing. Jamal Woolard did an amazing job acting as Biggie. Biggie's son CJ was in it too, playing as Young Biggie. Naturi Naughton ACED the role of Lil' Kim.
And by the way, are you all aware of how Lil' Kim is trying to sue the producers of Notorious for defamation of character? Um, yeah. Right. Poor Lil' Kim was portrayed as a whore who screwed her way into fame. It just so happens that she IS a whore who screwed her way into fame. Not dissing her at all, because Lil' Kim is pretty ill. But she should probably chill with that lawsuit because she isn't fooling anyone.
After the movie, we went back to Kristens for a little lie-detector questioning, some black mail, and ultimately -- to watch Anthony fail at getting to play Wii Fit. The best thing though, happened before we went to Kristens, when we were on line at Target. I started freestyle rapping about Anthony having crabs. It was mad funny. "Pinchers in the air, like you just don't care, cause Anthony's got crabs on his pubic hair!" I haven't laughed so hard in a long time.
Life is far from shitty, but it would be a whole hell of a lot better if I could just see Cory. I write this all the time, but I need to get it out. I want nothing more than to be near him. I don't like being this far from him. It's annoying. So right now, I've got a message to deliver:
Dear April,
Hurry your ass the fuck up and get here soon, before I start dropping bitches. Oh, and while you're at it... Once you get to about... Oh... The 10th? You can slow down a bit. You know, as to let me enjoy my happiness. You know, I wouldn't be too affected if time all together froze, as long as I was with Cory when it happened.
Thanks for your understanding.
Love,
Lauren.
Yeah, so if you don't mind, could you please deliver that message to April? Thanks a bunch.
I'm going to stop writing now because it's obvious I need sleep.
Oh, this song I'm listening to... It's pretty fuckin sick. I highly recommend it to all my niggas in the struggle. And by that I mean anyone looking for some good shit to listen to.
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Now playing: Notorious B.I.G. - Ten Crack Commandments
via FoxyTunes
I'm fucking exhausted, but I'm unable to fall asleep. I could go take some benodryl and chase it with some Nyquil, but I feel like waking up at a reasonable hour tomorrow morning. That combination would knock me out, definitely, but keep me comatose for way longer than I intend on sleeping.
School starts on Tuesday. Holy shit, dude. I'm excited about going back, just a little apprehensive about my American History class because Kristen isn't in it anymore due to the fact that Nassau Community College is run by a bunch of flamers. Everything else seems like it'll be enjoyable. I'm really looking forward to my criminal mind class. ASL 2 will be a breeze, I hope. English Comp is my strong point, so I should be good there -- and Child Development just sounds like it'll be interesting. This semester I have no reason to do poorly. The classes are fairly simple, and I plan on actually studying this semester. (Yeah, I'm still on that whole... waste as much time as humanly possible kick. Studying is a huge time waster. I'm down.) I'm gonna get my GPA up and get the FUCK out of Turnpike Tech.
I saw Notorious today with Kristen and Anthony. That movie... it was epic. Usually when I watch movies in theaters I get antsy and want to leave halfway through. Not even close here. I was actually surprised the movie ended as quickly as it did. (Which wasn't quick at all, it was 2 hours long.) The acting was amazing. Jamal Woolard did an amazing job acting as Biggie. Biggie's son CJ was in it too, playing as Young Biggie. Naturi Naughton ACED the role of Lil' Kim.
And by the way, are you all aware of how Lil' Kim is trying to sue the producers of Notorious for defamation of character? Um, yeah. Right. Poor Lil' Kim was portrayed as a whore who screwed her way into fame. It just so happens that she IS a whore who screwed her way into fame. Not dissing her at all, because Lil' Kim is pretty ill. But she should probably chill with that lawsuit because she isn't fooling anyone.
After the movie, we went back to Kristens for a little lie-detector questioning, some black mail, and ultimately -- to watch Anthony fail at getting to play Wii Fit. The best thing though, happened before we went to Kristens, when we were on line at Target. I started freestyle rapping about Anthony having crabs. It was mad funny. "Pinchers in the air, like you just don't care, cause Anthony's got crabs on his pubic hair!" I haven't laughed so hard in a long time.
Life is far from shitty, but it would be a whole hell of a lot better if I could just see Cory. I write this all the time, but I need to get it out. I want nothing more than to be near him. I don't like being this far from him. It's annoying. So right now, I've got a message to deliver:
Dear April,
Hurry your ass the fuck up and get here soon, before I start dropping bitches. Oh, and while you're at it... Once you get to about... Oh... The 10th? You can slow down a bit. You know, as to let me enjoy my happiness. You know, I wouldn't be too affected if time all together froze, as long as I was with Cory when it happened.
Thanks for your understanding.
Love,
Lauren.
Yeah, so if you don't mind, could you please deliver that message to April? Thanks a bunch.
I'm going to stop writing now because it's obvious I need sleep.
Oh, this song I'm listening to... It's pretty fuckin sick. I highly recommend it to all my niggas in the struggle. And by that I mean anyone looking for some good shit to listen to.
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Now playing: Notorious B.I.G. - Ten Crack Commandments
via FoxyTunes
1/15/09
Maybe I'll just sing about it.
People change. People drift. New ones come along. People you had doubts about all along prove you right. People you never expected to be there for you prove you wrong. People you never thought you'd be close to become closer than the ones you thought would be there forever.
Things change. And none of it's terribly sad. It's welcome change in my eyes. It all helps me grow. That's the way I'm looking at things right now. -shrug-
I miss Cory.
I'm pretty sure I say that every time I write here. Oh wellz. It's true. It's a thought I have a lot. Why not share? Haha.
Jeremie wrote me, from Parris Island. That was pretty cool of him. I feel kind of bad, because I can tell it's tough on him. I hope he's the same dude when he gets out. I'm gonna write him back and mail it tomorrow before I go to work.
Tomorrow we're filming the first episode of "The Real World: North Shore". I'm pretty excited. It's gonna be good times. I love those people. So much. Oh, and we might go see NOTORIOUS afterward. So psyched.
The music video for the song "Heartless" by Kanye West is pretty cool.
I really have nothing to say. Unless you're interested in reading my rants on why Cory should be here.
I know you're not interested.
Grey's is on in 2 minutes. Yay tele-drama.
EDIT:
I just found out that Johannes Brahms was born the same day as me. That's pretty badass. He was a brilliant composer. [/nerd]
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Now playing: Tickle Me Pink - Madeline
via FoxyTunes
Things change. And none of it's terribly sad. It's welcome change in my eyes. It all helps me grow. That's the way I'm looking at things right now. -shrug-
I miss Cory.
I'm pretty sure I say that every time I write here. Oh wellz. It's true. It's a thought I have a lot. Why not share? Haha.
Jeremie wrote me, from Parris Island. That was pretty cool of him. I feel kind of bad, because I can tell it's tough on him. I hope he's the same dude when he gets out. I'm gonna write him back and mail it tomorrow before I go to work.
Tomorrow we're filming the first episode of "The Real World: North Shore". I'm pretty excited. It's gonna be good times. I love those people. So much. Oh, and we might go see NOTORIOUS afterward. So psyched.
The music video for the song "Heartless" by Kanye West is pretty cool.
I really have nothing to say. Unless you're interested in reading my rants on why Cory should be here.
I know you're not interested.
Grey's is on in 2 minutes. Yay tele-drama.
EDIT:
I just found out that Johannes Brahms was born the same day as me. That's pretty badass. He was a brilliant composer. [/nerd]
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Now playing: Tickle Me Pink - Madeline
via FoxyTunes
1/14/09
Sick, Suck, Sunk, Dunk, Drunk, Crunk, Crank.
I'm getting this feeling that I'm kind of useless lately. Like I'm really not needed. Like some people are maybe keeping me around because they either feel bad telling me to screw off, don't want to waste the energy telling me so, or because it's just convenient to keep me around.
That's a pretty stupid thing to think. Why would it be convenient to keep dead weight around? I don't even know why I'm thinking this stuff anyway. It's probably all in my head. How dare I even think that the amazing people in my life think of me that way.
...Still, the thought pops up every now and then. I've been sad lately. And trying to hide it. I'm not sure how it works, but this is me telling the world that something is bugging me. I'm gonna blame it on the fact that I'm sick. The sickness is fucking with my emotions.
I'm feeling a bit better than earlier this morning. I woke up and was puking at like 3 this morning. That kept up until 6ish. And then I was just dry-heaving since there was nothing in me. I've been drinking water. I'm feeling much better now. I haven't felt nauseous since like... 11ish. Still, my head is throbbing, and I'm coughing and sneezing like a mo-fo. Stayed home from work because I don't wanna contaminate the kids. I'm sure they won't even realize I'm not there. Hopefully tomorrow I can go back to work. I hate being at home. It's so lonely, since the cats can't be bothered to hang out with me. I want a puppy to keep me company. Ohyeah, now I'm certain, I'm delusional. Puppies! Yeah, right.
God, I've got to stop with this shit.
Maybe some more benodryl and sleep.
I want to be happy.
Like... Katherine Hiegl at the end of 27 Dresses. That kind of happy. Where it's her day, and nothing could possibly happen to fuck it up. Thats a once-in-a-lifetime kind of happy though. Why would I waste it when I'm 19? Idk. Maybe I should just stop typing. Why am I retarded.
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Now playing: The Exies - Ugly
via FoxyTunes
That's a pretty stupid thing to think. Why would it be convenient to keep dead weight around? I don't even know why I'm thinking this stuff anyway. It's probably all in my head. How dare I even think that the amazing people in my life think of me that way.
...Still, the thought pops up every now and then. I've been sad lately. And trying to hide it. I'm not sure how it works, but this is me telling the world that something is bugging me. I'm gonna blame it on the fact that I'm sick. The sickness is fucking with my emotions.
I'm feeling a bit better than earlier this morning. I woke up and was puking at like 3 this morning. That kept up until 6ish. And then I was just dry-heaving since there was nothing in me. I've been drinking water. I'm feeling much better now. I haven't felt nauseous since like... 11ish. Still, my head is throbbing, and I'm coughing and sneezing like a mo-fo. Stayed home from work because I don't wanna contaminate the kids. I'm sure they won't even realize I'm not there. Hopefully tomorrow I can go back to work. I hate being at home. It's so lonely, since the cats can't be bothered to hang out with me. I want a puppy to keep me company. Ohyeah, now I'm certain, I'm delusional. Puppies! Yeah, right.
God, I've got to stop with this shit.
Maybe some more benodryl and sleep.
I want to be happy.
Like... Katherine Hiegl at the end of 27 Dresses. That kind of happy. Where it's her day, and nothing could possibly happen to fuck it up. Thats a once-in-a-lifetime kind of happy though. Why would I waste it when I'm 19? Idk. Maybe I should just stop typing. Why am I retarded.
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Now playing: The Exies - Ugly
via FoxyTunes
1/10/09
Non tangunt et amant.
Today has been ridiculous, in a completely boring way.
I woke up, thirsty as hell, but there wasn't anything to drink aside from milk (I'm not giving Cory the satisfaction) and the tap water that I think tastes funny. Boredom occured basically all morning, until I went outside and swept snow off the stairs and then went grocery shopping. Yippee? Mom and I played Mario Party 8 after dinner. She kicked my ass. Yet again. Damn her.
Tomorrow, I'm going to clean my room. And then when I'm done, I might attempt baking a cake. (hahaha) Or the Izzie cupcakes. (Chocolate, with a dash of coconut extract) BAHAHAHAHA. And then when I'm done with that... I'm painting a rainbow. With little silver butterflies.
Fuck yes!
I'm ambitious at midnight, but I don't think I'll be up for all of this tomorrow. Oh well. I'm trying.
I woke up, thirsty as hell, but there wasn't anything to drink aside from milk (I'm not giving Cory the satisfaction) and the tap water that I think tastes funny. Boredom occured basically all morning, until I went outside and swept snow off the stairs and then went grocery shopping. Yippee? Mom and I played Mario Party 8 after dinner. She kicked my ass. Yet again. Damn her.
Tomorrow, I'm going to clean my room. And then when I'm done, I might attempt baking a cake. (hahaha) Or the Izzie cupcakes. (Chocolate, with a dash of coconut extract) BAHAHAHAHA. And then when I'm done with that... I'm painting a rainbow. With little silver butterflies.
Fuck yes!
I'm ambitious at midnight, but I don't think I'll be up for all of this tomorrow. Oh well. I'm trying.
1/9/09
My throat hurts.
...yeah. Today feels uncomfortable. My hair is ridiculous looking. My face is all dried out. I need moisturizer. And a haircut. Oh, mother of fuck, I need a haircut in a bad way.
I'm quitting smoking. I figure with my luck, I'll end up with lung cancer if I keep it up. I want to stay alive as long as possible. There's too much I haven't seen. I need to see more. My eyes need stimulation. NEED MOAR SIGHTS.
Happy boys and happy girls. This song makes me think of like... a giant PRIDE parade dancing through the streets of Disney. Haha, that would be awesome. I want a Pride flag. I'm very straight, but I like rainbows. I also like gays and lesbians. They're good people. I need more good people in my life. Of course the one good person I NEED in my life happens to be 1251 miles away. -le sigh- April will be here soon enough, I suppose.
No, not soon enough. It will never be soon enough, because it needs to be right now. I'm a whineybitch. Bwahaha.
OMG Barbie Girl is on. What amazingness. This song makes me want to bunch a blonde girl. And then turn into an Asian. Oh, how amazing life would be if I were Asian. I'd have nice hair, a pretty face... I'd be smart. I'd be really good at stuff. Of course Cory says I'm all of that, so I don't need to be Asian. I guess his opinion is the only one that actually matters. God, I love him.
Today is going to be looooooooooooong. Hopefully I don't lose my voice. Y'know. Sore throat and all.
Wish me luck.
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Now playing: Aqua - Barbie girl
via FoxyTunes
I'm quitting smoking. I figure with my luck, I'll end up with lung cancer if I keep it up. I want to stay alive as long as possible. There's too much I haven't seen. I need to see more. My eyes need stimulation. NEED MOAR SIGHTS.
Happy boys and happy girls. This song makes me think of like... a giant PRIDE parade dancing through the streets of Disney. Haha, that would be awesome. I want a Pride flag. I'm very straight, but I like rainbows. I also like gays and lesbians. They're good people. I need more good people in my life. Of course the one good person I NEED in my life happens to be 1251 miles away. -le sigh- April will be here soon enough, I suppose.
No, not soon enough. It will never be soon enough, because it needs to be right now. I'm a whineybitch. Bwahaha.
OMG Barbie Girl is on. What amazingness. This song makes me want to bunch a blonde girl. And then turn into an Asian. Oh, how amazing life would be if I were Asian. I'd have nice hair, a pretty face... I'd be smart. I'd be really good at stuff. Of course Cory says I'm all of that, so I don't need to be Asian. I guess his opinion is the only one that actually matters. God, I love him.
Today is going to be looooooooooooong. Hopefully I don't lose my voice. Y'know. Sore throat and all.
Wish me luck.
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Now playing: Aqua - Barbie girl
via FoxyTunes
1/8/09
Everything is nothing.
Today has been especially bad. Everything that could have possibly happened to piss me off, has happened and has pissed me off. No one seems to notice my annoyance lately, so I guess I'm doing a good job of hiding those negative emotions. I sort of wish someone would notice, though. So I could vent, and not feel all cooped up and stressed out all the time. -sigh-
All I want is for Cory to be here. He would make everything better. Fuck Missouri. Fuck distance. Fuck responsibility. Fuck it all. Why not do what you need to do to be happy, when you need to be happy? What is really keeping me from booking a flight right this second? Not. Much. Of. Anything.
Grey's is coming on soon.
I'll be okay. I hope.
All I want is for Cory to be here. He would make everything better. Fuck Missouri. Fuck distance. Fuck responsibility. Fuck it all. Why not do what you need to do to be happy, when you need to be happy? What is really keeping me from booking a flight right this second? Not. Much. Of. Anything.
Grey's is coming on soon.
I'll be okay. I hope.
1/6/09
MOAR! MOAR PLANS UV ATTACK!
I think it's better, now that I get to talk to him a little more. Well, more than the first 2 days he was gone. Gosh, that was brutal. New York still sucks without Cory. It's always going to. -shrug- I'm just gonna have to concentrate on doing things that help make it more bearable. Also, lots of mundane things, so as to keep me busy. You know the deal.
I've taken to writing everything I've got to do in this stupid day planner that I got from Stonebridge Pharmacy. If not for anything else, just writing in it wastes time. These days, I like to waste as much time as possible. So far most of my to-do's have to do with work. Bulliten boards, art projects, giving myself due dates for stupid shit. Oh, and I'm supposed to meet up with Mario at Roosevelt Field on Sunday. That should be interesting. -shrug-
I've also decided that it's gonna be awesome to go back to school, because what is the biggest waste of time ever? (At least in my case?) Oh yeah, you got it -- STUDYING. I'm gonna face-plant into my textbooks. Hopefully grab a few A's to show for it, but I won't say anything to jinx myself. Maybe this semester I'll do better than last. (Which by the way my grades were B, B+, B+, and an A.) I want to do better, because I can. I know this.
Anyway... It's about time for me to start getting ready for work.
Haha, such an appropriate song is playing right now... XD
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Now playing: The Proclaimers - 500 Miles
via FoxyTunes
I've taken to writing everything I've got to do in this stupid day planner that I got from Stonebridge Pharmacy. If not for anything else, just writing in it wastes time. These days, I like to waste as much time as possible. So far most of my to-do's have to do with work. Bulliten boards, art projects, giving myself due dates for stupid shit. Oh, and I'm supposed to meet up with Mario at Roosevelt Field on Sunday. That should be interesting. -shrug-
I've also decided that it's gonna be awesome to go back to school, because what is the biggest waste of time ever? (At least in my case?) Oh yeah, you got it -- STUDYING. I'm gonna face-plant into my textbooks. Hopefully grab a few A's to show for it, but I won't say anything to jinx myself. Maybe this semester I'll do better than last. (Which by the way my grades were B, B+, B+, and an A.) I want to do better, because I can. I know this.
Anyway... It's about time for me to start getting ready for work.
Haha, such an appropriate song is playing right now... XD
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Now playing: The Proclaimers - 500 Miles
via FoxyTunes
1/5/09
Plan of attack.
My new plan is to do everything I can to help pass the time. E V E R Y T H I N G . Even the most mundane, stupid, trivial activity. I'm gonna do it, because it's gonna pass the time. And all that passed time means there's less time between the next time I see Cory.
That being said, I bought a lamp from Ikea today and spent about 25 minutes putting it together. There was a screw that was giving me problems, but I showed it who was boss. Fuck you, Ikea. Oddly enough, I feel accomplished after putting the bastard thing together. The lamp is shaped weird and takes up too much space on my desk. It won't last long...
Mom asked a silly question today. Why did I buy Raisin Bran at the store? I told her I just wanted it. Truthfully, it's because I'm doing silly things to simulate closeness. I saw the Raisin Bran while I was walking down the cereal aisle and something in my head told me buying it would help. It wasn't until I was leaving the store that I realized why. Don't worry about it. I'm weird.
1251 miles. That's all. Just a measeley 1251 miles... I don't miss him any less, and the distance doesn't hurt less... I'm just getting better at coping. I think. Slowly. I still cry a lot though. So who knows.
I'm a zombie.
Please come back...
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Now playing: The Mighty Boosh - Tundra Rap
via FoxyTunes
That being said, I bought a lamp from Ikea today and spent about 25 minutes putting it together. There was a screw that was giving me problems, but I showed it who was boss. Fuck you, Ikea. Oddly enough, I feel accomplished after putting the bastard thing together. The lamp is shaped weird and takes up too much space on my desk. It won't last long...
Mom asked a silly question today. Why did I buy Raisin Bran at the store? I told her I just wanted it. Truthfully, it's because I'm doing silly things to simulate closeness. I saw the Raisin Bran while I was walking down the cereal aisle and something in my head told me buying it would help. It wasn't until I was leaving the store that I realized why. Don't worry about it. I'm weird.
1251 miles. That's all. Just a measeley 1251 miles... I don't miss him any less, and the distance doesn't hurt less... I'm just getting better at coping. I think. Slowly. I still cry a lot though. So who knows.
I'm a zombie.
Please come back...
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Now playing: The Mighty Boosh - Tundra Rap
via FoxyTunes
1/4/09
Sooner, not later.
Well, yesterday was absolutely ridiculous. Started and ended the day in tears, with little change in between. I cried like a baby the entire ride there, while we waited for the bus to show up, and I went hysterical after he threw his luggage under the bus. The hardest thing I've ever had to do, was letting him get on that bus. I was miserable. I contemplated following him on the bus, but that would have been stupid because I had no ticket, and no money, and virtually all of my shit was in the car with Mom. As we were leaving Hempstead, we were driving behind the bus, which sucked. The distance between us kept growing, and all I wanted to do was to stop and rewind time. And just repeat the process. Letting go was so painful.
So I tried to pay my NCC bill after we left. They weren't open. I was upset, again. So I went home. Mom made food. I don't remember what it was. I ate like a zombie. Went to my room. And spent the majority of the day/night in there. Sam came and took me out for a while (thanks for that), but my heart wasn't in it. It was, and still is; in the hands of that boy.
I couldn't sleep last night, and according to Mom, when I did sleep, I was crying and screaming in my sleep. Wonderful. I woke up clinging to the panda bear Cory bought me, for dear life.
Today is a little better, even though I woke up this morning under the impression he was still here. Until I realized I was sleeping on a Jollyrancher pillow, which of course meant he wasn't here. He was still gone.
It's been a whole day. I'm starting to come off of this evil sadness. I'll be okay, eventually. It's not the end of the world. I just have to keep telling myself that. It's not the end. It's just the beginning. He'll be back. We'll be together again, soon. And even though I don't know exactly when, I have to know that it's soon. Sooner than later, anyway. Sooner, because time doesn't move backward. Sooner, because time is always moving forward. Always. It doesn't stop for anyone, ever. So every day I make it through is one day closer to being able to see him again.
I'll be alright.
Just bear with me for the next couple days.
I'm gonna need support.
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Now playing: Akon - I'm So Paid Ft. Lil Wayne
via FoxyTunes
So I tried to pay my NCC bill after we left. They weren't open. I was upset, again. So I went home. Mom made food. I don't remember what it was. I ate like a zombie. Went to my room. And spent the majority of the day/night in there. Sam came and took me out for a while (thanks for that), but my heart wasn't in it. It was, and still is; in the hands of that boy.
I couldn't sleep last night, and according to Mom, when I did sleep, I was crying and screaming in my sleep. Wonderful. I woke up clinging to the panda bear Cory bought me, for dear life.
Today is a little better, even though I woke up this morning under the impression he was still here. Until I realized I was sleeping on a Jollyrancher pillow, which of course meant he wasn't here. He was still gone.
It's been a whole day. I'm starting to come off of this evil sadness. I'll be okay, eventually. It's not the end of the world. I just have to keep telling myself that. It's not the end. It's just the beginning. He'll be back. We'll be together again, soon. And even though I don't know exactly when, I have to know that it's soon. Sooner than later, anyway. Sooner, because time doesn't move backward. Sooner, because time is always moving forward. Always. It doesn't stop for anyone, ever. So every day I make it through is one day closer to being able to see him again.
I'll be alright.
Just bear with me for the next couple days.
I'm gonna need support.
----------------
Now playing: Akon - I'm So Paid Ft. Lil Wayne
via FoxyTunes
1/2/09
The truth is, it's painless letting your love show.
For arguments sake, lets say I got maybe 4 hours of sleep last night. Maybe. Only because he kissed me goodnight, and I was comfortable enough to pass out. So when I woke up at 3 am, I kind of freaked out. Well. I've been going strong on the whole freak out thing since then. I could probably fall asleep right now, but that would be dumb since we have plans to leave for the train station at 11:30. The closer we get to Saturday, the more I cry. I'm so pathetic...
I don't want him to leave me here.
Nothing is ever going to be the same...
What am I going to do?
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Now playing: Skye - Love Show (Radio Edit)
via FoxyTunes
I don't want him to leave me here.
Nothing is ever going to be the same...
What am I going to do?
----------------
Now playing: Skye - Love Show (Radio Edit)
via FoxyTunes
1/1/09
So this is the new year...
Happy New Year! My resolutions (if you can call them that) are all geared around self-improvement... so I'm not gonna bother to write them out. Oh, and another resolution is to do more art. Be more artistic, think outside the box more, and create. -shrug- Sounds do-able.
Cory's here. He's been here since Saturday (the 27h) and it's been the most amazing time ever. I haven't ever been so happy. Ever. Saturday after Mom and I picked him up, we took him to Majestic and had dinner there. Sunday we went to East West in Westbury to meet Andrew WK before the concert at the Donkey. But of course my car decides to be an asshole, and would not start after we got out of East West. So effing lame. Finally, after Sam came to the rescue with tools, and Cory beat the shit out of our car battery... The bastard thing started. We then went to the Donkey and saw AWK and proceeded to have the most amazing concert experience ever. Monday we went into the city with Katie, which was quite interesting. Katie's on crack (as if we weren't all aware) and was being her usual retarded self on the bus. Once we got into the city, we showed Cory all the fun touristy things, including the Toys R Us, MTV Store, all of Times Square, and Rockefeller Center. It was a lot of fun. Tuesday, we went out to lunch with Sam and Melissa which was, as always; an experience. After that I brought him to the Boys and Girls Club to meet everyone who was there, and to see where I work. Yadda yadda. Then we had to go grocery shopping. Cory bought me this HUGE panda bear while we were at the store. I'm loving it. It's reeeeally soft. =) Yesterday for New Years Eve we went to Joe's house. That was also really fun. Mazza interrogated him about Missouri, which was entertaining because she was acting as if Missouri is some... 3rd world country or something. Blah, I feel like I'm rambling about stuff. These past 5 days have been amazing, and I wouldn't trade them for the world.
Tomorrow we're going back into the city with Kristen, Chris, Kemp, and possibly Amanda and Joe. Probably gonna try and check out Madame Tussuad's, try going to Nintendo World again, and then make our way to Brooklyn Bridge Park to meet a friend of Cory's.
I'm dreading Saturday. I don't want it to happen. I want to freeze time so that this happiness I'm experiencing won't leave me. I'm so scared of what's going to happen when he goes... I need to freeze time. Or a time machine. Something. I need something, quick.
----------------
Now playing: Ingrid Michaelson - Giving Up
via FoxyTunes
Cory's here. He's been here since Saturday (the 27h) and it's been the most amazing time ever. I haven't ever been so happy. Ever. Saturday after Mom and I picked him up, we took him to Majestic and had dinner there. Sunday we went to East West in Westbury to meet Andrew WK before the concert at the Donkey. But of course my car decides to be an asshole, and would not start after we got out of East West. So effing lame. Finally, after Sam came to the rescue with tools, and Cory beat the shit out of our car battery... The bastard thing started. We then went to the Donkey and saw AWK and proceeded to have the most amazing concert experience ever. Monday we went into the city with Katie, which was quite interesting. Katie's on crack (as if we weren't all aware) and was being her usual retarded self on the bus. Once we got into the city, we showed Cory all the fun touristy things, including the Toys R Us, MTV Store, all of Times Square, and Rockefeller Center. It was a lot of fun. Tuesday, we went out to lunch with Sam and Melissa which was, as always; an experience. After that I brought him to the Boys and Girls Club to meet everyone who was there, and to see where I work. Yadda yadda. Then we had to go grocery shopping. Cory bought me this HUGE panda bear while we were at the store. I'm loving it. It's reeeeally soft. =) Yesterday for New Years Eve we went to Joe's house. That was also really fun. Mazza interrogated him about Missouri, which was entertaining because she was acting as if Missouri is some... 3rd world country or something. Blah, I feel like I'm rambling about stuff. These past 5 days have been amazing, and I wouldn't trade them for the world.
Tomorrow we're going back into the city with Kristen, Chris, Kemp, and possibly Amanda and Joe. Probably gonna try and check out Madame Tussuad's, try going to Nintendo World again, and then make our way to Brooklyn Bridge Park to meet a friend of Cory's.
I'm dreading Saturday. I don't want it to happen. I want to freeze time so that this happiness I'm experiencing won't leave me. I'm so scared of what's going to happen when he goes... I need to freeze time. Or a time machine. Something. I need something, quick.
----------------
Now playing: Ingrid Michaelson - Giving Up
via FoxyTunes
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